Judge — September 8, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| When so many people are drinking EN2e9VAQ Evans NON-INTOXICATING NO GOVERNMENT LICENSE REQUIRED don’t you think it might be worth your while to try it? ALL DEALERS—C. H. EVANS & SONS, HUDSON, N. Y. SEXOLOGY by William H. Walling, A. M., M.D. imparts in a clear wholesome way, in one volum Kaowledge » Young Man Should Have Kaowledge Young Husband Should Have Keowledge a Father Shoold Have Roeviage 2 Father Should impart to His Soo Medical Knowledge a Husband Sheeld Have Keowledge a Young Woman Should Have Knowledge a Young Wile Should Have oe ledge ther Should Have ‘now! her People’s Opinions” and Table of Contents 20.. 792 Perry Bullding, PHIL. |The Ideal Xmas Gift Old Ivory Finish | Adam Period This Chest. genuine Southern Predmont Red Cedar. § Sent on, Free Trial Piedmont Cedar Chests pretest fare, woolen ‘ deal git lor Xoas, wedding oe buthars Every wer sone. Send for great mew catalog today. Mailed free 10 you. Piedmont Red Cedar Chest Co., Dept. °8 Statesville, N.C. STANDS HOT AND COLD WATER 10 Inventions Commercialized on cash and royalty basis. Inventors should write at once. ADAM FISHER MFG. CO., 2111 Railway Exchange St. Louis, Mo. WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? Protect your ideas, they may bring you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions” and “flow to et Your Patent and Your Money.” Randolph & Co., Patent Attorneys. Dept. 129. Washington. D. C. | 40 W. 48th St. HOTEL WEBSTER |*2.;,25%5 the City’s. oat hotels. Four minutes’ walk to 40 Theatres. Center Much favored by women traveling alone. Booklet A. W. JouNson QUINN. Passing the Mustard Disconsolate You tell me that the world is fair, That I am foolish to be sad, But there is one who never more Will sit beside me, as before, And murmur things to make me glad. You tell me that my present care Will vanish in a little while, But I shall never more sit down With one whose eyes are soft and brown, Or be enchanted by her smile. You tell me to renounce desp And try to find some new delight. But she has scorned my love, and I've A clear remembrance of the five I paid for what she ate last night. —S. E. Kiser in Dayton News. The Mouth of a Babe—Little Benny was looking at a picture of Elijah going to heaven in achariot of fire. Pointing to the halo about the prophet’s head, Benny exclaimed: “See mamma, he’s carrying an extra tire.”—Chicago Herald. Legitimate Wonder—“I see a girl lias sued a man for calling her a chicken.” “Goodness! I wonder what she'd have done if he had called her ‘an old hen’?”—Philadelphia Bulletin. Why She Was Angry—‘So you got mad at him for kissing you?” “No; I got angry at him for saying he was sorry he did it, when I pretended I was angry. Houston Post. A Modern Improvement—‘ These _up-to- date houses all have padded closets.”” “Why padded closets?” ‘o keep the neighbors from hearing the family skeletons rattling in them.”—Baltimore Ameri- can A Liberal Beach—"Where are you going this summer?” “Oh, to one of the liberal beaches.” “What is the liberal beach?” “A place where feminine bathers are not re- quired to wear more clothes than they do on the street.” —Binghamton Age-Herald. The Most Difficult Thing—‘ What do you think is the most difficult thing for a beginner to learn about golf?” “To keep from talking about it all the time.” Boston Transcript. She Knew press my love.” ‘T know th ry candy Journal. What It Sounded Like—“What’s all that chug-chugging over at the other end of the Capitol?” ounds like the Senate reversing itself.”— Philadelphia Bulletin. “Words are inadequate to ex- ” said the dear girl Louiscille Courier- What He Planted—* What did you plant in your vegetable garden this summer?” “Oh, about the whole of my yearly income.” — Baltimore American. Casey’s Care—Mrs. Casey—Me sister writes me that every bottle in that box we sent her was broken. Are ye sure yez printed, “This side up with care” on it? Casgy—Oi am. ‘An’ for fear they shouldn't see it on the top Oi printed it on the bottom as well.—Houston Post. Advice—There is a rich man who loves me, and a poor man whom I love, and between choos- ing one of them I am on the horns of dilemma. “Then take the horn of plenty.”—Baltimore American. Same Here—“I once knew a man who went hungry in order to buy feed for his horse.” “T can understand his sentiments. Many’s the time I have cut down on meat and potatoes in order to buy gasoline.” —Washington Star. Its Other Name—Doctor—Your daughter, madan, is suffering from constitutional inertia. Fond mother—There! Poor thing! And her pa declared she was simply lazy.—Baltimore Amer- ican. Nothing Exasperating Intended—Mrs. Key was visiting some friends and left the following card to her next-door neighbor: “Dear Mrs. Garrsion—Would you please put out a little food for the cat I have been feeding this winter? It will cat almost anything, but do not put yourself out."’—Dallas News. Slow Promotion—‘ How’: doing in the army?” “First rate,” replied Farmer Corntossel, “al- though his mother’s a little disappointed. She speaks about the slowness of Josh’s promotion every time she sees in the paper that the same old general is still holding down his job.—IWash- ington Star. The Gold Cure gold cure.” “Reformed drunkard, ch? “Oh, no. He was a socialist till he married a rich wife.” —Detroit Saturday Night. your boy Josh ~* That man has taken the Of Course—WMistress—Ellen, what are you putting the flypaper outside the house for? Green girl—Sure, ma'am, it gets filled up quicker outside.—Boston Transcript. Many a Man Thinks—“ You can’t tell ‘bout adisplay of authority,” said Uncle Eben. “ Many a man thinks he’s d a fine job o’ mule-drivin’, when de mule is jes’ hurryin’ to get home on his own account.” —Washington Star. First and Last—“Oh, yes; they are society “They belong to “You mean ‘first families’?”” “No; first and last—first to ask credit and last to pay.” —Philadel phia Record. Proficent—Docs your son who is abroad with the troops understand French?” “Oh, yes, but he says the people he meets there don’t seem to.” —Baltimore American.