Judge, 1917-08-25 · page 11 of 28
Judge — August 25, 1917 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early-20th-century satirical magazines. **"Instantaneous"** (top cartoon): An auto salesman uses a clever sales pitch—mentioning falling onion prices to suggest the customer should buy a car while they can still afford the luxury. The joke plays on rapid economic shifts and aggressive sales tactics. **"Tomboy"** (poem): A nostalgic piece about a man who fondly remembers a girl named Mabel as a spirited child, now grown beautiful. He wishes his name were "Tom" so she'd call him "Tom, boy"—a pun playing on her former tomboy nickname. **Short prose pieces**: Include a man demanding agreement rather than honest discussion; a Southern father threatening to whip his son, only to be warned the boy will gang up on him with friends; a schoolmaster's lecture on "unrest" interrupted by a farm worker's yawn; and a joke about someone's brother-in-law being so dim he "wears his hat on it." **"See-Saw"** (poem): A brief, sentimental verse about unrequited love and changing feelings. The humor relies on wordplay, regional dialect comedy, and observations about human nature and social behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
INSTANTANEOUS Auto salesman—Now, sir, you travel in the street cars at present, don’t you? Well. let me tell youn—ONIONS are getting cheaper again! TOMBOY Ry CLINTON SCOLLARD “MY TOMBOY,” 1 used to call Mabel Whenever she saucily smiled And dangled her legs from the table A likely and lovable child. My airs she would mockingly mimic With smirk and delicious aplomb; To-day would my grave patronymic Were commonplace Tom! For Mabel’s grown gracefully older, And Mabel’s remarkably fair; I long for her head on my shoulder, Her tender soft hands on my hair. Then should she my wooing not censure, And were my name Thomas, you s Beyond doubt and all peradventure Her “Tom, boy,” I'd be! The Usual Meaning “Be reasonable—the deuce!” snarled old Festus Pester, in the midst of the argument. ‘What you mean is that you want me to agree with you. Next thing, you will be asking me to present you with aloving cup. Bah!” The Prospective Victim “AJOW, looky yur, Bearcat!” said Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., as a preliminary to the cas' gation of one of his sons. “I’m going to do this for your good. It will hurt me worse than it does you, and——” “You're durn’ right, it will!” yelled the young reprobate. ‘You just strike a lick, and me and Runt and Bragg and Blis nd Coonrod and Rip and the rest of the boys will all climb you, Pap or no Pap!” Not Apparent “This is a period of great unrest, and ” didactically began the school- master, who was boarding ’round. “T hadn’t—yaw-w-w-wn!—noticed it,” replied Farmer Bentover’s hired man. Its Utility “Well, for pity’s sake!” we fleered, for we were much miffed at the utter un- reasonableness of the man into whom we had endeavored to instill wisdom. “If your brother-in-law, the pallid pacifist, Victim—How soon did you say you could deliver a car? a head why in tunkett doesn’t he use it?” “He does,” “ He wears his replied Gaunt N. Grimm. hat on it.” : See-Saw HE loved me when I loved him not « And now my heart is sore, For I love him and he’s forgot To love me any more!—Jane Burr. BEG FOR IT!