Judge, 1917-08-11 · page 6 of 28
Judge — August 11, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains humorous short pieces and sketches rather than political cartoons. The main illustration shows two men in conversation near a fence, accompanying a poem titled "The Column Conductor" that celebrates the magazine's editorial column feature. Below are several brief satirical vignettes mocking wartime and social situations: a couple's hasty marriage ending in divorce, a husband clipping newspaper economy articles to prove patriotism to his wife, and a physician questioning a recruit's fitness for military service despite hardships endured. The bottom section includes military humor (an officer directing soldiers) and wordplay jokes about dogs and magazine advertising practices. The content reflects WWI-era American domestic concerns—hasty wartime marriages, women's roles, military recruitment standards—presented as light satirical humor rather than serious political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Mother, do you think there's any hope of the war lasting till I'm twenty-one?” His Optimistic Observation “Yep!” said Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “T've got fourteen children who ort to be able by clubbing to- gether to pop me into the poor house when the time comes.”” As the Twig Is Bent She—Remember when he was a green country boy and you showed him the sights? What a crude interest he took! He—He’s the same now except that he'd like to take the interest before it is accrued. Uncensored He—Your soldier friend been in any engagement? She—How did you guess? Fun for the Dog First little kitten—Better be good. Do you know where mother says bad little kittens go when they dic? cond little kitten—No. Where? st little kitten—To dog heaven. Perhaps “y HY do they make the magazines So very dull?” said Doyle. “To make the ads appear more bright By contrast!” answered Boyle. —Harold Susman. The Column Conductor 'HERE’S a snug little nook in the world that I know Where humor (unpaid-for) may blossom in typ: Where verse—rhymed or /ibre—shines like footprints in snow And a bright thought may burgeon as soon as it’s ripe. And the man who controls it—ah, bright be his halo! May he stand at the last as a sheep, not a goat! May legions of angels be singing his balow— The Column Conductor, the friend of the pote. The Column Conductor, Unsolemn Conductor, The Column Conductor who blesses the pote! A squib is the pass on the line that he runs, A quatrain or so is enough for a berth No baggage transferred—but a packet of puns Is enough on his road, for the ends of the earth; Vox populi pales; Old Subscriber's not heeded; And e’en Constant Reader might simply be dead; While long editorials are skipped as not needed; But the Column Conductor's the one who is read. The Column Conductor, The‘Column Conductor, The Column Conductor who lets us be read! —Gregory Hartswick. The Meanest Man “She was a June bride but is asking divorce already.” “What's the matter?” “Her husband married to keep from going to war but now he’s trying to prove patriotism by clipping everything he sees in the papers about the advisability of dress economy, and showing it to her.” He Qualified Examining physician (critically)—I wonder whether you have the endurance to make a good soldier. Applicant—I have shivered in the same steam- heated flat for fifteen winters and yet I always say “Good morning” to the landlord when he comes for the rent. I have five children, a player piano, a phonograph and a vacuum cleaner. All of these frequently operate at the same time without disturbing my enjoyment of the evening paper. Examining physician (slapping him on the back)—Ac- cepted! Drill sergeant—Now, then, number Two, what's the idea of makin’ all them faces? Former movie aclor—| supposed you'd want me to register hate or fury or something. icbooks.com