Judge, 1917-07-21 · page 9 of 28
Judge — July 21, 1917 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine: **"The Notion Counter"** (top): Douglas Malloch's column of short, cynical observations about American life—mocking poets, military bureaucracy, Florida lemon farmers, and wartime submarine placement. The humor relies on absurdist non-sequiturs and social commentary typical of WWI-era satirical columns. **"Father Buys"** (bottom): A domestic comedy sketch mocking the "modern father" who purchases a newfangled **lawn mower**. The satire lies in how each family member immediately sees practical personal benefit—the children want to use it for their own purposes, asking permission with calculated innocence. The punchline ("silence was once more rampant") suggests Father's elaborate mechanical explanation has bored everyone into submission. The accompanying illustration shows two children examining a broken-down machine with the caption "The wheel's no good, but I think we can use the skid chain"—capturing the children's pragmatic indifference to Father's technological pride. The humor targets early-20th-century consumer culture and domestic gender dynamics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TARGET The Notion Counter By DOUGLAS MaALLocu OCTORS are generally right, but one of them the other D day told a drummer in a German orchestra that what he needed was exercise. I know a college professor who writes poctry which is very much like cating lemons for acidity I never can figure out whether these amyloweil poets are trying to kid me, or are just kidding themselves. When an admiral transfers his flag that is only a nautical way of saying he called for a new dec! People never seem to believe that I mean any of the things ay except those I don’t mean. Some of our musical comedy producers could make a for- tune in Florida picking lemons. Some of us merely cke out an existence, and even the cost of ckeing has gone We observ sul rimes with “blue. Some people seem to think that Germany will take a recess until we get ready The correspondent who used to kill the Delaware peach crop every Spring has gone west to do the same for the wheat. The place to put out a sub- marine is at first base, not at the home plate. College is out now, and Dad can begin to think about bonds. Wheat may be off, but the fool crop appears to be as large as ever. The potato plant has become as important as the munitions = a sideline; I from the Fourth of July poetry that “true” PRACTICE Drilling the awkward squad is one form of corporal punish- ment Care will kill a cat, and too much of it ditto a patient. We ought to make a man fly the flag or fly the country. The man who marries to avoid service deserves it. To the farmer and the financier: Dig! The woman without help is helpless. The servant in the house: hubby. FATHER BUYS .”’ announced Father Subherbs before his family at dinner assembled, “I bought a machine to-day.” “Oh, Henry ighed his wife. “G. Willikens,” commented Jimmy, aged six. “Also, W. Shakespeare,” supplemented Genevieve, whose is not to be discussed. Zan I learn to run it, Pop?” inquired William, who has had fifteen years’ experience with the ways of the not unsung universe. “Yes, my son, I think you can,” condescended Father S. “And can I use it Saturdays when there ain’t any school?” “TI think it would be an excellent idea for you to do so.” “And can we keep it right here in our barn so I could use it at noon-hour sometimes?” “ ag “T had planned on that.” “Gee! What kind of a ma- chine is it, Pop?” “Tt is a center-control, four- speed, gear-driven, ball-bearing, self-starting, air-cooled, puncture- proof-tired, rotary-action lawn- mowing machine,” explained the paternal ancestor. And silence was once more ditto. “The wheel's no good, but I think we can use the skid chain.” rampant. comicbooks.com