Judge, 1917-07-14 · page 10 of 27
Judge — July 14, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Illustration**: A satirical "Patriotic Notion Counter" showing eight identical soldiers in WWI-era uniforms labeled by social class (Rich man, Poor man, Beggar man, Doctor, Lawyer, Merchant, Chief). The joke mocks how military service supposedly equalizes social classes—they all look identical, suggesting the uniform erases individual identity and status. **Main Text**: Douglas Malloch's humorous essay offers tongue-in-cheek observations about the American Revolution and contemporary (likely WWI-era) patriotism. It includes jokes about the Declaration of Independence's awkward anniversary date, Paul Revere's horse transportation, and jabs at pacifists versus patriots. **Scattered Jokes**: Include satirical jabs at German militarism ("Blowing your own horn is a Teuton habit"), submarine warfare, and Venezuela's revolutionary credentials. **Bottom Cartoon**: Depicts a conversation where someone enlists despite appearing too young, joining the infantry anyway—likely commenting on underage enlistment or enthusiasm for military service during wartime. The overall tone criticizes both pacifism and celebrates martial sacrifice while poking fun at military life and bureaucracy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Rich man Poor man Beggar man Patriotic Notion Counter hy DOUGLAS MALLOCH T IS a good thing that the Declaration of Independence was signed on the day it was; it would be so awkward to shout, “Hurrah for the Twenty-ninth of January “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.”” ordered the general. And the Yankees kept on firing until they couldn't see even their heels. The hardest part of the history of the Revolution to believe is the part about Washington escaping from the British in a fog I believe in a sane Fourth, but | am glad that our fore- fathers didn’t. The fellows who used to hold lighted cannon crackers in their hands to show their courage don’t seem’ to have all en listed yet. One reason why Paul Revere got there on time was because he took a horse instead of a Boston surface car. We won the Revolution, and we didn’t have much more of an army in 1775 than we had in 1017 The British thought that the Revolution was going to be a cinch; and then, first thing. they drove into a Bunker. The Declaration of Independence isa much bet- ter lesson in patriotism than it is in penmanship. Our forefathers fought, bled and died; had they been pacifists they would have thought, fled and cried. If Benedict Arnold had lived in these days I wonder which state‘would have sent him to the Senate. Venezuela sught to be an easy place to organize a chapter of the Daughters of the Revolution. The submarine has been unable to prevent the importation into Russia of Yankee notions. Somehow he wouldn't seem so romantic if he Org Merchant Chief Doctor Lawyer My idea of ingratitude is the submarine; we invented the darned thing. Blowing your own horn is a Teuton habit. Pay the tax to puncture the Kaiser. The Germans want peage the same wanted Concord. Ethan Allen would have made a grand poker player. way the British More Easily Cured Youngpop—What do you think of that Isn't he a cute kid? Groughleigh—Well, for my part Vd rather have him acute than chronic. boy of mine? A Mistake Jane Willis—Why did the enlisting officer turn Charlie down? Marie Gillis—On account of his eyes. Jane Willis—Why [think he has beautiful eyes, don’t you? had signed himself “J. P. Jones.” As I understand it, what we had in 1775 was the universal volunteer system. Ethel—Oh, Jack has enlisted ! Muriel—Isn't he rather young ? but he joined the infantry. comicbooks.com