Judge, 1917-07-07 · page 16 of 27
Judge — July 7, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces reflecting American social life, likely from the World War I era based on references to "flying corps," "slackers," and "alien enemies." **"Reflections Flavored with a Clash and a Bang"**: A romantic story where Vi waits alone for her beau Hal, imagining his passionate declaration ("Heaven! I can't stand it any longer!"). The joke's punchline reveals his actual complaint: foot pain from his corns—deflating romantic expectations with mundane physical discomfort. **"Just Before Dinner"**: A woman urgently tries to remove a visitor before her husband arrives home, threatening violence. The final reveal: she's killing a fly with a swatter, not addressing an affair. **"Obeying Mother"**: Children claim they've given their brother "choice" in a war game—choosing between being "slackers or alien enemies," mocking both draft-dodging and anti-German sentiment. **"Applicant" cartoon**: A job seeker offers to hold down airships during takeoff—absurd wartime labor. The pieces use anticlimactic reveals and domestic humor to satirize romance, marriage dynamics, and wartime patriotism.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Reflections Flavored with a Clash and a Bang fy ©. BEATRICE SILVERMAN: descent sky, the glistening lake, the shadowy lawn Held no attraction for her. She did not even seem to realize What a charming sil- houctte she made, as she huddled there Leaning against the staunch tree-trunk. Though she fought a thousand memories, Though a thousand tiny things darted through her mind, She saw but one obstacle .. . one person... . Hal... . As he had looked then! Lingeringly, she paused over every remark : He had uttered. His hushed voice, pleading To get away from that “fussy fool danc And, when they were alone, How she had suffered with him as he racked his brain For something to Would she ever forg His glaring eyes, his burning hands, his gasping comments? Suddenly, As though an inspiration had struck him, He whirled about and squarely con- fronted her With his scorching stare. But . . . the words came no easier; Inaudibly—huskily—fiercely, He had declared, “Heaven! I can’t stand it any longer!” And was off. Now. ... She was alone. Hours had passed, it seemed; Yet The flowers she wore fairly recked with his hot breath; And the leaves above appeared to shout the episode. A wan smile,— First piqued, then quaint, finally vain, Passed over Vi's ruddy lips. “He couldn't stand it any longer!” She repeated, slowly and in hushed tones Over and over. “He loves me! .. . He couldn't.” . . . She turned. What was that? Surely, no one would intrude! The frolic must be over; so no chap could now claim her For the next one-step. She returned to her musing. But no, A fellow was coming towards her. “Hyoh, theah, Vi!” It was Hal's voice. “See, old gal, I'm back again! Never meant to run away like that, But these darn slippers Nearly killed me. What's wrong, Vi? Not angry, are you? Why, I couldn't stand The rum things any longah. My corns!” .. . Just Before Dinner “YOU must leave at once.” Her voice was tense; yet, there was no response. “Dinner will be served in a minute and he must not find you here,” she exclaimed in anguish. “You know how he hates you and all your kind,” she went on, glancing ner- vously toward the door. “If you won't go, I'll have to kill you!” And she reached for the swatter. Obeying Mother Mother—Children, childre! Didn't I tell you to give little brother his choice in whatever game you played? did, mother—honest we did! We're playing war and we gave him his choice of being the slackers or the alien enemies. Maud Muller was raking the hay lacker!” hissed the patriotic as the Judge rode by. agri- Applicant—Need a good man in the flying corps, boss? Somebody t’ hold down airships till they're ready t’ start an’ that sort o” thing?