Judge, 1917-06-30 · page 9 of 29
Judge — June 30, 1917 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains two distinct pieces: **"From a Sinner's Diary"** is a satirical monologue by "Lynette Freemire" offering cynical observations on human nature and society. The accompanying illustration shows a social gathering. The monologue mocks hypocrisy (the biblical title references doing good deeds secretly), incompetence in jobs, and social behaviors—particularly critiquing women's cosmetics and fashion choices. The tone is misanthropic but humorous, poking fun at universal human flaws rather than specific political targets. **"Baseball Parlance"** is a brief joke playing on double meaning: an aviator in a zeppelin boasts he'll break records or die; a baseball fan interprets this as a "sacrifice fly" (a baseball term for a specific type of out). It's simple wordplay humor, likely capitalizing on contemporary interest in aviation and baseball as popular American pastimes. The page appears to be primarily humor and social satire rather than political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
'lIM, “Let Not Thy Right Hand Know What Thy Left Hand Doeth.” FROM. A SINNER’S DIARY ‘BODY that likes me, that’s enough recommendation. There's some truth in everything. The design is: to figure out the proper lic to antidote it. People sometimes hold jobs because they happen to. Not because they especially know cnough. I'm getting so the thing that rests me the most is other people’s trouble. My pa is studying his new auto. He's far as the oil holes. Heaven—being waited on by brainy women. Hell—waiting on dumbhead men. Anything about me that doesn’t look right you can lay to the Lord. If I'd been making me I should ha what I resemble. Some dance and some fiddle and some carry off the empties. You can’t sce rags on yourself as well as on someone else. I know a woman who is not a pessimist, but say! she leaves a trail of ‘em behind her. What makes you look at it if you don’t want to see it? If you hate housework and couldn’t stand it to leave ma, you want to marry a farmer from Minnesota. I like a woman I don’t like better than I do a man I do like. Don’t a woman look dandy with a gob of powder in one eyebrow? Maybe I've seen ’em with it spread around even when they thought they were primped most fetchingly, but I can’t recall any now. When I get real, awful, scandalously, disgracefully rich, I'm going to have a new typewriter. I'll sce if there’s any brand not so subject to syncope, that for a ways is too feeble to make any track at all, then gobbles ‘em all up ferociously and spits ‘em out backward Have you ever noticed how someone you don’t like, and who can the same of yeu, goes clear to the end with you, side by side in the same bus and every train? And the ones you like get off at the first stop? —Lynette Freemire. BASEBALL PARLANCE Said the bold aviator high up in the zep. “T'll smash all the records or die.” Cried the baseball fanatic with lots of old pep, “You're making a * sacrifice fly."