Judge — June 16, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MAN goes forth to take a ride, in his new shining car; he’s all swelled up with honest pride, and trouble He thinks he has the finest boat that ever . “Tl get the neighbors’ goat, I will, so He say ar’s as downy as a couch, so take a ride with me A dead game sport would take his seat, and light a fresh . “By heck, it is a treat, to ride in such a car! n this town and furthest Ind, there’s no such boat as You surely have the village skinned! What comfort, ease and bl But dead game sports are seldom met on this revolving sphere; it alw the safest bet that pessimists are near. And so the man with shining boat gives Mr. Grouch a ride, who straightwa kes a doleful note, and punctures all his pride. “Why did you buy this kind of cart?” the grouchy one observ “within a month ‘twill break your heart, it’s full of deadly curves. That type of valves will always break, the pistons do not fit, and when you have a pull to make, the engine’s sure to quit. The chassis isn’t worth a cent, the spark plugs will not fire’ you'll al find your rims are bent, when you would change a tire. A punker car was never seen since Adam tilled the soil; it is a hog for gasoline, and fairly eats up oil.” I wonder why so many guys find glee in talking thus, in bringing briny to the eyes of some poor human cus Alas, the girls, as well ‘as boys, are guilty of this crime; it is the choicest of their joys to spoil a happy time. Let some fair dame appear in town with hat from Gay Pare or with a flossy silken gown most wonderful to see You'll notice all the females then indulge in ribald fling; and say things meaner than the men would ever dare to spring. In circuses and swarm around. Alas, seldom may be found! the game knockers sports so and courts that camps alas, dead Among those war cconomists who favor cutting out all the fourth of July fireworks, how many do you suppose are maie Americans ranging from 8 to 12 years old? THE NOTION COUNTER By DOUGLAS MALLOCH HE MAN who has just won a cup with a 109-30-79 knows what is the prettiest ornament in the drawing-room. The game of golf is like the game of life: talk the least. When the dub plays, the band should render “The Wearin’ the best players a multitude of bad driv We assume that Prof. Bunker, of the University of Michi- gan, is a relative of Col. Bogey Most men avoid the water hazard at the nineteenth hole. A golf club cannot really call itself a golf club until its club- house has burned two or three times, Why is it that the knee pants are always worn by the gentlemen with parenthetical legs? Meanwhile the happy woodsman swings an ax and doesn’t have to pay any dues. When a man’s whole family belong to his club, his clubs belong to his whole family. Considering where it goes, the ball often must be wrongly addressed. When a man golfs with a pretty girl he makes many a mashie shot. The banquet guest of honor may say that it is the proudest moment of his life, but it isn’t; it was when he got on the green in 2. Golf spe couple's gol My id limited to * a couple’s marriage, and marriage speeds a of a man to golf is a man whose conversation is your honor” and “Gotta match?” WILD IRIS By CLINTON SCOLLARD LUE of the skies and the bland June wind blowing Across the tangled meshes of the swamp; Blue of the skies and the wild iris showing Its lovely purple pomp! Such beauty o’er me and such beauty under, A radiant vision of such sapphire dyes That [am Jost in dreams it is no wonde Of love, and my love’s eyes! THE REAR GUARD icbooks.com