Judge, 1917-06-16 · page 13 of 28
Judge — June 16, 1917 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
The page contains a romantic poem about golf obsession by Clinton Scollard, satirizing the fanatical golfer who thinks about the sport constantly—from dawn until he "goes on golfing in dream." The repeated refrain mocks how completely golf dominates this character's waking and sleeping life. The top illustration depicts a World War I battle scene, contrasting sharply with the page's title "If Dreams Came True"—likely suggesting the ironic gap between soldiers' brutal reality and civilians' trivial preoccupations with leisure activities like golf. The bottom cartoons show gender dynamics: one depicts courtship rituals, the other a dialogue between father and son about etymology. The "He Has One" joke plays on the saying "a good dame is rather to be desired than great riches," with the son learning that "pipe" (slang for an easy accomplishment) originated in plumbing—deflating romantic idealism with working-class practicality. The satire targets both obsessive hobbyists and the contrast between wartime sacrifice and peacetime frivolity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
IF DREAMS Ballade of the Enthusiastic Golfer By CLINTON SCOLLARD with the matutinal fowl, Uprises at dawn of the day; H His brow with an ominous scowl Is furrowed if heavens be gray; 4 And yet he is out and Whatever the weather may seem; Till dusk he'll persistently play, And then go on golfing in dream! He's glum as a monk with a cowl If haply his ball flies astray; He'll utter a jubilant howl When he sinks a long “butt” for a “tray”; No doubt some might think he were “fey” Could they hark to his favorite theme; Till dusk he'll persistently play, And then go on golfing in dream! He looks grave and wise as an owl When his clubs are laid out in array; Sometimes he will grumble and grow! If he falls in a pit by the From May round the year until May One thought is forever supreme,— Till dusk to persistently play, And then go on golfing in dream! Envoy Saint Andrew, your blessing we pray (For we hold you in highest esteem) On all who persistently play, And then go on golfing in dream! CAME TRUE Let Us Have Peace “T guess Harry doesn’t know whether to marry Miss Milyun, who has such a horrible temper, or that lovable and domestic Miss Cookg, who hasn’t a cent.” “A good dame is rather to be desired than great riches.” He Has One Son—Where did the word “pipe,” ate? Dad meaning ‘“‘cinch,” origin- In the plumbing business, of course. op wd ANCIENT AND MODERN