Judge — June 2, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN INTERESTING EPISODE ‘oTHERE wasn’t anything special going on in town,” said Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., upon his return from the county seat. “Things there is just snailing along, and—— Come to think, though, I did sorter mingle in an anecdote that was tollable interesting. A couple of gents came tumbling down stairs from the rooms over the post- office, fighting like wildcats. Somebody said that one of ’em was a German dentist and the other a customer of his’n, and that when the iv’ at the bottom of the stairs the dentist still had his pinchers hooked onto the tooth of his prey, but I wasn’t close enough to see. Anyhow, it "peared to be the general impression that after getting into the chair the other gent started to debate with the German dentist about whether or not the Kaiser 4 cuss, or something that-a-way. Aw, well, he may have been right about it in the’ry, but I’d say off- hand that he cted a poor place to prove it. “But, ‘tennyrate, they adjourned down the stairs and went over and under for quite a spell, and then sorter drifted apart and went to shooting at each other, which, prob'ly, they ort to have done in the first place. When I finished my trading and clumb into the wagon, the sheriff was shooting at both of vem. It was getting along towards dusk and I didn’t stay to see how it came out. The crowd 'peared to—yaw-w-w-wn!— N Ju the boys are being married, tied up secure and — take it good naturedly, so I don’t reckon I missed much by not fast; and often at the church I’ve tarried, to see them — staying.’ —Tom P. Morgan. roped at last. Old ties and friendships now are severed. and trembling is the groom; how he has struggled and en- deavored to dodge his frightful doom! A man may say, “I'll not be wedded, I'll let the altar slide; cnemy’s trench? I’m surely not so leather-headed as to incur a bride. The girls Recruit—Well, 1 used to get across Broadway every morning are sweet, but I don’t need ’em, I hav work to do, and, — when they were building the subway. doing it, I need my freedom, until my days are through. The wiles of damsels and of widders are sprung for me in vain; I'll laugh to scorn the female bidders, and thus be safe and sane.” We hear the young men idly prattle this kind of tommy rot, the while the girls are lined for battle, their motto * ter Not!” They mark the man who's loudly swearing a bachelor he'll be, and on his trail they're briskly faring, with an unholy glee. And so upon a bright June morning we see him quit his work; his person with glad rags adorning, he hastens to the kirk. And by his side there is a maiden of most distinguished charm, with flowers and snowy vestments laden; he leans upon her arm. She does not hesitate nor falter, nor let him get away; she drags him boldly to the altar, the fateful words to A Veteran . Officer—Do you think you would be able to storm an And while the mob is staring coarsely, the girl is made his frau; “With all my junk,” he whispers hoarsely, “I do this peach endow.” Oh, let the bells be gayly ringing! Ring, sexton. your back! A lot of girls this month are bringing their v to the rack! Ring out the bells, the chimes are splendid, far let their music roam! The hunt is done, the chase is ended, ‘tis now the harvest home! Oh, pastor, don your snow white raiment, and greet the girls who win; they’ve done the work, they get their payment —they’ve roped their young men in! Two Kinds Mistress—Do you know how to serve company? New girl—Yessum; either way. . Mistress —Either way! wing gees Jihat kgepe ws from falling off the earth New girl—Yessum; so’s they'll come again or so’s they “ Why, the law of gravity.” won't. “But how did we stay on before that law was passed >” comicbooks.com