Judge — May 19, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE’S ARTISTIC ALPHABET IS THE RISING DE MARI For in the ascendant his Star is— His smart illustra- tions Of droll situations Display the fine talents that are his. rae THR De Yn ‘Ss FOR DON IER- OLD will stand. Ile does pictures and text on demand. Sort 0° “doubles in ink, And we cannot but think He must work with a pen in each hand. D IS FOR DAGGY who draws With skill, but too sel- dom, because Folks better acquainted With what he has painted Could give him more fre- quent applause. A eg ne THE AUTOMOBILE HE automobile is a restless steel animal which inhabits T most of the civilized parts of the world, It feeds on gasoline and oils, and browses along public high- ways, now and then picking up a pedestrian. In its wild state it is extremely savage and runs across the face of the earth shricking wildly. Its horn is a frightful thing, while it does not exactly resemble a tusk, it is none the less terrifying. If great patience is used, however, the automobile may be domesticated and trained to become a docile beast of burden. The best way to capture an automobile is to pussy-foot into its lair, which is known as a garage, and when it is not looking, cover it with a large check. After doing this it will probably cat out of your hand. It will also eat out tf your pocket. Indeed, you will probably be so busy putting food into the cavernous stomach of the machine that you will immediately begin to curtail on the amount of food you put into your own stomach. After you have captured the automobile the next thing to do is to break it in. Unless you have had experience you will find it somewhat difficult to train the machine to keep to the highways and answer your beck and call. It may develop an antagonism toward stray pedestrians and chase them all over the street. It may perhaps disregard your sternest com- mands and insist upon hobnobbing with telegraph poles and hitching posts. There are some automobiles, however, which are timid. These may for some unknown reason become frightened by one side of the street and rush pell-mell into the opposite gutter, or they may be afraid of other machines they encounter and climb to the safety of the sidewalk. But most of them are unruly beasts which must be handled with a firm hand and shown that they cannot have their own way. It is unnecessary to inform you as to the terms to use when ad- dressing your machine. ‘These will come to you at the time you 1 them most. If you possess unlimited nerve, strength and pocketbook you will in time be able to break the proud spirit of the automobile If you wonder whether you are competent to drive the machine, the best way to tind out is to write to a tribunal known as the State Highway Commission. This body of never having scen you. will tell you that you are. ‘The only tell you that you are, but they send you a slip of paper. noting the color of your eyes, to prove it. ‘This tribunal takes such a friendly interest in you and your pet that they willing to tell you as often as once a year that you are drive it. After you ha invite your wife’s relatives for a ride. intend to do this when you procured it, but it is best to bow to the inevitable and merely tip your hat to the ones you intended to take. After a few thousand miles you will begin to realize that you merely own the car and have no voice in its management other than that performed in the driving seat, Stuart W. Knight. completely subdued the automobile you may sibly you did not A Gastronomic Plea My kingdom for a horse!” a king once cried, but “ HORSE mewhat different: “My kingdom for a cow!" For butter is almost unknown and olco doesn’t seem To bear the least relationship to cither cow of cream. We used to cat the buckwheat cakes with butter thick! Bat now we spread them sparingly i We're sick of all these substitutes—with all our souls we yearn To taste once more the genuine old product of the churn So when you pray at close of day, O let the words you utter, Be, “ Lord send each poor man a cow, and banish bogus butter.” Lucille Brown Fillinger. spread, How Life Looks to One Under go Over go Stop. Take one. Hands off, This way to escalator. — Not running today. Plenty of seats forward. Full car. ps prohibited. Tables must be reserved in advance Welcome. Reserved for guests. Speedway. Slow down to 10 miles —Homer Croy. comicbooks.com ] |