Judge — May 12, 1917 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bess—Has he sown all his wild oats? June—Several times to my knowledge! Just Wondering “pP you know that he was once the lightweight champion of this town?” “Was he? I’ve been wondering where he got his lightweight training. We buy our groceries from ¢. him.” com / { Horrors of War Mrs. Peck—They are going to arrest all sus- * picious persons. Mr. Peck — Maybe they won't, Maria, so long as you are sus- picious only of me. “Phyllis” What? HYLLIS, I have heard you sung Ever since my heart was young, When, susceptible to rhymes Chiming of Arcadian times, In my fancy your sweet name Always held the prior claim There was Daphne, Cloe too, But they could not rival you: Sylvia tried her pretty best, But my choice still stood the test: Sweet as honey, flower-distilled, “Phyllis” all my fancy filled. Poets have balladed your face, Lyricised your lissom grace, Rondeaued eyes, and mouth, and hair, Trioletted fingers fair,- Not a line did they omit That could lovely Phyllis fit. But for all that these have shown, Half your charm is still unknown Whisper, sweetest—dearest—best, Something they have never guessed: Let me sing your fuller fame,— Phyllis, what’s your other name? —Frederick Moxon. Very Likely Hawkins—Old De Grouche is always grumbling about his car. Robbins—What’s out of order? Hawkins—I think it is his liver. When Peace Comes One of the first horrors of peace will be the I-told-you-sos of those who knew just how the war would end. Alternatives She—When a woman grows old, can she keep a man at her feet? He—Surest thing you know—if she has a lot of money—or a lot of corns. Starting Right | She en in’ his school days, I want my boy to be an American, through and through. The Professor—Well, madam, few of my class | are morethoroughly un- | prepared. The Morning After Neighbor—Y our hus- band pleased with clec- , tion? She—Well, sort of. You see, if John’s side had won, he couldn't — | kick,and John wouldn't | like that. Would Be Welcome “ Have you heard the last Ford story? — “No, but I wish to heaven I had.” “Say, Jimmie, let's ast ‘im how ‘e screws ‘is legs into by LOUIS How FIFTH AVENUE I‘ I should fall in love with you, The easiest thing I'd ever do, Would be to buy Fifth Avenue And give it to my dearie. I'd buy you every store and shop, And every horse and mounted cop, And every bus with folks on top,— Till presents made you weary. I'd give you caramels to munch, And caviare each day for lunch, And buy: you orchids by the bunch, And Russian hounds—a litter. And if you said that you'd commute, And Love me more than all the loot Of all Fifth Avenue . . . Let’s do't; Perhaps it would be fitter. Appropriate “What can you suggest as a slogan for the good roads campaign?” “Money makes the mire go.”” Putting Him Wise Her young man—I wonder how soon your sister will marry me? Kid brother—Well, ma said sis wouldn’t wait long to nail you if you ever popped. Wind Editor —Was his speech full of atmo- sphere? Anditor—Yes, in motion. Most people's philosophy is pretending that they don’t care—when they do. BAAN ee them twisted pants.” New York City Nursery Rhymes comicbooks.com