Judge, 1917-05-05 · page 13 of 30
Judge — May 5, 1917 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous pieces typical of Judge's satirical style, rather than a single political cartoon. The illustrations show an elegant interior scene with figures in formal dress, likely accompanying one of the verbal jokes below. The humor relies on wordplay and social commentary: a character mocking "needless extravagance" while being vain; an astrologer's prediction proving ironically accurate (a "lucky star" resulting in joblessness); a barber pole joke about naval war zones; a gas works employee who will be "turned off"; and a woman so militant she refuses divorce "rather than consent to a dishonorable peace"—mocking female suffragists' uncompromising positions. The poem "Fate's Kindness" reflects common early-20th-century bachelor humor: the speaker congratulates himself on *not* marrying women who aged poorly or became insufferable (one promoting "Woman's higher duty"). The overall tone satirizes modern life, gender relations, and social pretension typical of Judge's readership.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Be Helene—Mother, dear, what do they mean by needless extravagance? said Henry Abruthnot Pickens with becoming modesty. “I don’t know— maybe Silly Stories “Il use her for a cover.” At that, I have always had a sneak- ing feeling that Galatea was a feather- brained little creature who chewed gum. . . I have no sympathy at all for Pygmalion. He brought it on himself. His Enviable Condition 66] WENT and ‘sulted a ’strologer tudder day, sah—gen'leman wid wild lookin’ eyes and long, snaky fingers, dat excavated half a dollah fum me befo’ I had sca’cely got de do’ shut,” related Brother Fagg. “Den he went into a transportation and muttered pow’ful, and told me dat I was bawn under a lucky star and would have good fawchin. And I sho’ has, sah! I kain’t seem to git a stiddy job no-how, and muh wife has mo’ washin’s dan she kin do!” Original Lineup The Muses nine—Clio, Melpomene, Thalia, Calliope, Urania, Euterpe, Poly- hymnia, Erato, Terpsichore. This nine hasn’t purchased anybody recently. A Courtship “I will protect you,” he cried. And then he put his armor ’round her. dear, there is no such word. Unneutral Dad! Geography Teacher—James, which is the hottest zone? James—Dad says that zone where you have to paint barber poles on your ships to get by is a hot one. Gas Fixtures He—Your brother is one of the fixtures in the gas works, I suppose? She—I guess so—anyhow, they’re going to turn him off. Militancy He—Is your friend a pacifist? She—I should say not! Why, rather than consent to a dishonorable peace she refuses to divorce her husband. Life’s Little Comedies “What made you boys look so glum when you gave the boss that testi- monial?” “Oh, we were thinking how much it cost. What made the boss so grouchy’ “Oh, he’s afraid you'll all expect « raise.” All the World’s a Stage “Pop, what do the drama mean by spontaneous applaus: “It is merely another way of saying the ushers are earning their salaries, my son. critics Mother—(angrily) My FATE'S KINDNESS By BERTON BRALEY ‘THE girls I didn’t marry I see them, here and there, Elaine, Elise and Carrie Who held me in their snare, To think I used to care For them! How tastes do vary Yet once I thought them fair, The girls I didn’t marry. Elaine was trim and slender And now she’s slow and fat, Elise, with eyes of splendor Has grown to be a cat, (Her husband’s wise to that And he’s unhappy, very) Aha, I chuckle at The girls I didn’t marry. Dear Carrie’s still a beauty But talks, with mien severe, Of “Woman's higher duty,” And “Woman's wider sphere!” But, I’ve escaped, my dear, And thus my heart is merry, That these I’ve named you here Are girls I didn’t marry. Come sweet, let us make love With kisses light and airy, For you are not one of The girls I didn’t marry.