Judge, 1917-04-28 · page 9 of 28
Judge — April 28, 1917 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate satirical pieces from *Judge* magazine: **Top cartoon**: A monkey approaches a rhinoceros, asking if among its "elaborate face implements" (horns, thick skin) it might have something to crack a nut. The joke mocks people who attribute intelligence or capability to physical features—the implication being that powerful appearance doesn't equal practical usefulness. **"Markowitz and Henry" story**: A dialogue between a Jewish boss (Markowitz) and his bookkeeper (Henry Shapiro), written in exaggerated Yiddish-inflected English. The satire critiques gender attitudes: when Markowitz complains his newborn is a girl rather than a boy, Henry defends women by naming famous actresses (Sarah Bernhardt, Mary Pickford, Lillian Russell). Markowitz counters that these women succeeded *despite* disadvantage, not because of equal opportunity. Henry's final admission—"They never had a chance"—ironically proves Markowitz's point about systemic inequality, though framed as male weakness rather than female oppression. The satire targets both male chauvinism and the gap between rhetorical celebration of women's achievements and actual equality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
weet The monkey —Excuse me, sir, but | suppose it is possible that among those elaborate face implements you may have something that would crack a nut ? eZ. Zip Lp MARKOWITZ AND HENRY-— Discuss Woman's Greatness and Man's Weakness Ry LOU L tov, Max! masel tov! Ain't you happy?” burst out Henry Shapiro, the bookkeeper, hastening to con- gratulate his boss and brother-in-law upon the arrival of a new feminine addition to the Markowitz family. “Thanks! thanks!” grunted Marko- witz, glancing over the mail which had accumulated during his morning’s ab- sence. “Sure, I’m happy! But what's the holiday by all of yous I come up the clevator with some cutters and Benny the shipping cloik, and they was all smiling and carrying pink flowers in their buttonholes just like by a ball or a party. And you got one too! Because I couldn’t come to the office oily this morning, I bet you was all loafing and did so much woik like an Irishman on St. Patrick’s day. But come on, forget them flowers and let's down to ad “We put on them decorations on account of the latest addition to your family.” smilingly suggested Henry, not over- anxious to return to his ledger. “If you'll tell me,” maintained Markowi it's on account of the latest addition to the fr the world, I'll believe you! Or if you'll tell me it’s on account of an addition to your wages or subtraction from your hours, I'll also believe you. But when you tell me them cutthroat cutters, what are all the time wanting increases, are making a celebration with flowers on account of my increase in the family, I'll believe you just so much like you would tell me Von Hindenburg was a Russian Nihilist or that Billy Sunday was RAR a regelar saloon keeper! And especial if it’s a goil. Henry, when all the woild wants boys, I get a goil! I— “And what if it is a goi!?” protested Henry. “Ain't a she so good for the woild lik: gt “A she so good like a he!” echoed Markowitz. “Right away you'll tell me that Lillian Russell is so good like Napoleon Bonaparte, that Mary Pickford, the “movie” queen, is a better number than the Goiman r, that de “And for why not?’ demanded Henry, gesticulating wildly. “Who's the biggest actor in the woild? in’t it Sarah Bernhardt, what can shake out of her little s ve the biggest actor with the longest pants? Who's the biggest— biggest—the biggest——” “Nu, nu, why don’t you tell me what other petticoats is the biggest in the woild?” triumphantly exclaimed Markowitz. as Henry con- tinued to mumble and stutter, try- ing to think of other feminine leaders in the var- ious activities of the world. “They never had a chance,” finally blurted out Henry. “They never had a chance?” cried Markowitz