Judge — April 28, 1917 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

His Antagonistic Attitude OW! E ‘lowed tuther day that as our least boy, Bearcat, was four years old, it was about time to tote him to town is pi taken,” related Mr. Gap Johnson, of “He didn’t ‘pear to think so, though, for he skinned out for the timber as the crow flies. But we run him down with the aid of the rest. of the children and the dogs, and started with him to the county seat. At the photo- graph gailery—or, stupidity as most of them professors like to call it—-we had a right lively setto of it fora spell “We tied Bearcat to his chair like the Indians used to bind a captive to the stake be- fore burning him alive, and he overturned hisself a couple of times. Somewhurs in the muss I got my back sprained. Wife accumulated a case of hysterics that lasted her till: next: day. The rest of the children fit all over the place in trying to make the little feller smile, and upset the camera a time or two, and one thing and another that-a-way. But finally the pro- fessor pulled the snapper in an unguarded moment, and was so pleased at getting the good work done that he danced with glee and tripped over something and broke his leg. Outside of them anecdotes nothing in pertickler happened, except a few broken windows, and such like. om P. Morgan and ge Rum; Convinced * Do you believe dreams evercome true?” asked the landlady: ec replied the candid boarder, “I’m quite sure some of them do. Last night I dreamed that the cup of coffee I was going to get this morning would be as weak and indecisive as a man with a receding chin and no job.” er Bachelor—Have you anything for lockjaw? Clerk—What's the matter? You're not married. A Linguistic Handicap HAVE nothing against the Pole as a person or a pole, yet I have a serious fault to find with his language. I found out the other day by reading the literature pasted on the walls of a railroad station at Niles, O., that the Polish word for “notice” is *zawiadomieniec.” Think of that, now! What if it were to be noised abroad among your wife that you had zawiadomienied a strange girl on the street! What if it were to be spread broad- cast about the neighborhood that Mrs. Smith’s two-weeks infant had sat up and taken zawiadomien' What self-respect- ing citizen would submit peaceably while a policeman served zawiadomienic on him! Suppose a reporter sent out by his city editor on a cold trail would come back and report that there was nothing worthy of zawiadomienie! I wouldn’t study such a language. Not so you could zawiadomienie it. It is beneath my zawiadomienie. —Strickland Gillilan, He—Are we alone? She—Practically. Logic ear-old Marjorie — don’t b'lieve [I'll get married, would you? Mother—Why not, dear? Marjorie—Well, if 1 get married I s’pose I'll have chil- dren—and children are such a nuisance when one gets di- vorced! . The Horror of It Beatrice—I do hope that the country isn’t plunged into war! Ethelyn—Ves, it’ will) make everything so frightfully high. For Other Purposes “Don’t you think the lan- guage that Billy Sunday uses is awful?” “Yes, when people use it who are not Billy Sundays.” Even This One Did iend—Does writing a joke pay? .. Author—It’s funny if it does. comicbooks.com