Judge, 1917-03-10 · page 14 of 28
Judge — March 10, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satirical content: 1. **"His Belief"** (right column): A dialect monologue by "Brother Slink," a Black character, mocking Christian Science theology. The satire targets the religion's core tenet that belief shapes reality—suggesting if you believe it's cold, you won't feel cold. Slink applies this absurdly to his marriage, claiming he mentally "beats" his wife in silent meditation rather than physically, satisfying his aggression through imagination alone. The crude dialect and domestic violence subject matter reflect the era's casual racism and misogyny in humor. 2. **"Big Town Sayings"** (left/bottom): Chapman's brief urban observations mock modern commercialism, the newspaper's cultural dominance, and changing values—preferring newspaper ads to prayers, garage permits to civic progress. These are gentle social commentary rather than sharp satire. 3. **The illustrated narrative** (top): An exotic adventure story about Jafar and Fatimah's elopement with stolen jewels, seemingly unrelated to the commentary below. The overall tone reflects Judge magazine's irreverent approach to contemporary society, religion, and race during the early 20th century.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
as on no hand. And when Ala-ud-din sought Fatimah the beautiful she also was missing. So Ala-ud-din cried aloud to his servants, and among them came Kassim, keeper of the+ camels. And none but Kassim had intelligence for Ala-ud-din. Jafar, O master,” said Kassim pros- trating himself, “came to the house of the camels with Fatimah, his wife, prepared for the journey upon which thou sentest them. And Jafar de- manded the two fleetest camels, and upon them he and Fatimah disappeared eastward in a great dust.” And Ala-ud-din sent Kassim to be beaten, while others were dispatched in pursuit of Jafar and Fatimah. But they found them not. For going eastward upon the two swiftest camels for a space, Jafar and Fatimah changed their course. And with them they took the store of rare jewels which Ala-ud-din had gathered among those who knew not their worth. BIG TOWN SAYINGS By ARTHUR CHAPMAN ie newspaper seems to be the god of many a Big Town man, and the want advertisement is his prayer. One is inclined to think the average political speech is the most uninteresting thing on carth until he happens to hear an average business letter being dictated by an average business man. Improvement is not always the order of things. It is be- lieved that the first person who chewed gum managed to do so quite as artistically as anyone who succeeded him. It used to be that urban progress was measured by the amount of general building permits. Now, however, it is the town with the biggest number of garage permits that does the most crowing. The man who hangs the paintings in a picture gallery may imagine he is contributing largely to the art education of the multitude, but the indivjdual who trims the windows in a department store knows where the honor really belongs. Any kitchen, even in the smallest flat big enough so a large-sized cook book can be given daily exercise. If some people could only be assured of always getting choice theater seats, their chief trouble in life woukd be solved. The old-fashioned girl used to long for a home with roses climbing all over it. Now she longs for a suite in an apartment house that has fire escapes climbing all over it. HIS BELIEF By TOM P. MORGAN Sa Christian Science, sah, plumb fum de word ‘Go! said little old Brother Slink. “De talons and tenements o’ dat faith am dat if yo’ thinks a thing is so dat makes it so. If yo’ b'lieves it’s cold yo" gits de chilblains. If yo’ b'lieves it’s hot yo’ wipes de prostration fum yo" brow. bliev so, is so, whudder ‘tis or not. “Yo' knows muh wife, sah; finest ‘ooman in de land, but de most difficult. She tips de beam at mighty nigh three hund’ed pounds, whilst I’s small and skimpy in muh pussonality. And I couldn't no mo’ flog dat lady like a man’s wife needs to be flogged, when she needs it a-tall, dan I could fly up in dat tree- top, dar. She dess nach’ly walks all over me wid an iron hand, and I has to grin and make de best of it.” “But when it gits to de p’int whuh I kain’t ‘strain muh nootrality no longer, I goes into de silence. And dar I medi- cates dat I’s floggin’ muh wife like every ‘dulgent: husband awter do now and ag’in. I beats and mauls and hommers her plenty, and den some mo’ for good measure. I takes a mental gad and I wrops it round and round her, repeated and frequent. I yells at her and I cusses her, and I slaps her dis- uh-way and dat, twell she begs like a dog. Yassah!—in muh mind I larrups de lady good and proper, and keeps it up twell I's plumb sadisfied. “And den I "merges from de silence and lives contented twell de next time. She's licked and don’t know it, and I's de boss o’ muh own household, as long as I don’t mention de matter. Ain't dat ’bout de best way, Brudder Ramdiddy, all things considered? Uh-yawx! hawx! hawx!” Whatever yo’ His Position AM sorter in favor of this yur better babies propergander, that there is so much about in the papers these days,” admitted Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “It would be all right with me if none of my children cussed before they were seven years old. As fur as I can see, they got any pertickler use for pro- fanity before they are bigenough to handle the live stock. Girls in Training “Can you enlighten me on a point of military etiquette?” asked the first fair rookie. “What is it you want to know?” “Should you kiss your su- perior officer, or not?” comicbooks.com