Judge — March 3, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY The key to health in old age is the prevention of bowel disorder. Constipation, which becomes more and more chronic with advancing years, frequently makes the burden of old age seem heavy indeed. Yet in most cases constipation can be entirely prevented by a little care in the matter of diet and by supplying in Nujol an efficient substitute for the mucus which exhaust- ed nature no longer provides, Nujol is not a bowel stimu- lant. It acts as an internal lubricant, softening the con- tents of the intestines and so promoting normal evacu- ations. NUJOL is bottled at the refinery and ts sold only in pint bottles bearing the name NUJOL and the imprint of the Standard Oil Company (New Jersey). Refuse substitutes—be sure you get the genuine. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey ‘Send tor bookict “THE RATIONAL TREATMENT OF CONSTIPATION,” Write your name and { De; address plainly below, Stories with Smiles Sounded Similar—All kinds of rowdies on street cars are obnoxious, but the one who intruded on the quiet of an east-bound interurban a few evenings since was worse than the average. This undesirable citizen, who occupied a rear seat, first attracted the attention by yelling at the top of his voice. “Whasamassereverybodyiniscar?” he bawled. A timid little lady fainted. “Whoopee-I-doncar-if-I_ nevergohome,” he screamed again. This time two babies began to cry. “Imabadmanaswhatlam!”” Everybody began to tremble. Finally a woman who sat near the middle of the car spied a policeman in one of the front seats. Making her way to the officer she tapped him on the shoulder, “Why don’t you do something to that dreadful ma she demanded. “What dreadful man?” “The rowdy who has been causing a commotion in the back of the car.” Rising in his seat the officer said in surprise: “Was that a rowdy? Gee! I thought it was the conductor calling off the streets.” —Youngstown Telegram. Her Turn—Smith got married. The evening of his first pay-day he gave his bride fourteen dollars of the fifteen-dollar salary and kept only a dollar for himself. But the second pay-day Smith gave his wife one dollar and kept fourteen dollars himse “Why, John,” she cried, in injured tones I can manage, for a whole week on a paltry doll: “Darned if I know,” he answered. “I had a rotten time myself last week. It’s your turn now.”—Topeka State Journal, yon earth do you think Higher Education—“You are fond of using big words, Julius,” said a gentleman to his negro servant. “Yus, sah,” answered Julius. ‘‘A friend of mine once using a long word “How was that, Julius?” “He called me a prevaricator, and if he'd called me a liar I'd have gone for him at once, but by the time I'd turned up the dictionary to see what a prevaricator meant he was ten blocks away.” Bits. aved his life by Her Love Potion—A young woman whé thought she was losing her husband’s affection went to a enth daughter of a seventh daugh- ter for a love-powder. The mystery-woman told he “Get a raw piece of beef, cut flat, about an inch thick. Slice an onion in two, and rub the meat on both sides with it. Put on pepper and salt, and toast it on each side over a red coal fire. Drop on it three lumps of but- ter and two sprigs of parsley, and get him to eat it.” The young wife did so, and her husband loved her ever after.—Tit-Bits. Married Again—A clergyman, who was a widower, had three grown- up daughters. Having occasion to go away for a few weeks, he wrote home from time to time. In one of his letters he informed them that he had “married a widow six children. This created a stir in the household. When the vicar returned home, one of the daughters, her eyes red with weeping, said: “Where's the widow you married, father? “Oh, I married her to another man. I ought to have told you that!"”—Toronto Mail and Express. Squelching Dealer—‘“Can I sell you some antiques, sir?” “What have you in stock?” “T’ve got a chair George Washington sat in, a cradle Jenny Lind was rocked in, a mirror used “atherine the Gi of Russia, and—” “Say no more. These things are comparatively modern. “But consider, sir—" “T want some real antiques. In fact, I am anxious to acquire the set of tools used by Noah in building the ark.”—Brooklyn Gitizen. Making It All Right—Katherine and Margaret found themselves seated next to cach other at a dinner party and immediately became confidential. “Molly told me that you told her that secret I told you not to tell her,” whispered Margaret. “Oh, isn’t she a mean thing?” gasped Katherine. “Why, I (old her not to tell you!” “Well,” Teturned Margaret, “I told her I wouldn’t tell you she told me—so don’t tell her I did.”—London Saturday Journal. comicbooks.com (ae 7H: 7 Wwe 0