Judge — February 24, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BIG TOWN GOSSIP By ARTHUR CHAPMAN HEN a girl marries a man who has lived any great length of time among Big Town hotels and res- taurants, she finds that her husband is possessed of an unconquerable sus- picion regarding the purity and. edi- bility of foodstuffs in general, and has a not less strongly rooted belief that all silverware is the cleaner for being shined up a bit on one’s napkin Every new thing that is popularized brings a lot of trouble in its wake. For instance, it is going to take years of campaigning before grapefruit are sold by weight. Some Big Town men seem to believe that the country never can be called civilized until every farmer has a neck- tie rack. A man picks out a rug for its general appearance, but a woman first asks herself if it will show footprints. Some women are always trying to beg recipes when they get a good cook. ‘When the cook will not tell the se- crets of her trade, the lady of the house gets indignant and there is a separation. But the man of the house never knows why he lost that good cook If Big Town shop windows were pools, lots of Narcissuses would fall in and be drowned while admiring themselves, When worry is eliminated from the carth, probably it will not be through the medium of any magazine four by five inches in size, bound in wrapping paper and stuffed with epigrams Even with a home moving picture outfit and a phonograph modern LOOKS GOOD IN PRINT The lady—And you may say we suspect a discharged butler Reporter —When was he discharged ? The lady—Oh, we never really kept a butler; but I think it sounds quite well. a ey = \ Do you, Miss Cutting ? He I never associate with my inferiors. Si I don’t think I have She—Well, Mr. Snobson, I really can’t say. ever met any of your inferiors. of his own, the youth cannot be kept on the farm. It begins to appear as if reformers have been confronted with their first Hopeless Case. It is quite easy to imagine that the hardest job for a lawyer is to write a will for a man or woman who wants to leave a fat bequest to a pet animal Press agents who advertise that this play or that has thousand laughs” are merely driving people away from the box office. Any play that contains more than two genuine laughs is a miracle, and the public knows it It is lucky that writing is more dif- ficult than talking. If it were as ¢ to write a letter as it is to call up a friend socially, two-thirds of the males capable of the rhythmic forward motion of both feet would be mobilized as postmen. The Pussycat Tr Pussyeat sits by the kitchen stove, And purrs, and purrs, and purrs; The clock on the wall oes tickity-tock, And the wind rides up and rattles the lock, But the Pussycat never stirs From her place by the kitchen stove T wonder why does the Pussycat purr? And what makes the rumble-y noi Jim says she's swallowed a coffce-mill, And Ma, when [asked her, said “ Keep still! T can’t tell bad little boys! (Now wiry does the Pussycat purr?) T think T know why the Pussyeat purrs It's the mouses she ate last night! They scramble and jump and roll about, (They're awfull: mad ‘cause they can't get ou And seratch and kick and fight I knoe why the Pussycat purrs! F. Gregory Martswick Jolting Him There is nothing in the world that will make a man look in a mirror as quickly as overhearing his son refer to him as “the old man.” of the robbery. comicbooks.com XUM