Judge — February 17, 1917 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ess of ke a y you | ration is to ere | ion a @ and jon of under reply never | 10 for ber of WS 02 f the | r back g the ¢ late friend otber, yr tbe of the e maa phy: were ve at l account of their misdeeds. One of them had a bloody nose. The | teacher looked upon this sanguinary feature with horror, and endeavored | to instill in its inftictor certain pacific principles. “Now, Billy,” she said, “I think you ought to apologize to Jimmie.” “Huh! Lain’t a-goin’ to apologize for no accident!” Billy answered. “Accident? Why, Billy, how can you call it an accident? Didn't you intend to hit Jimmie on the nose?” mom, I didn’t. I swung for his eye, an’ missed!""—Clevelund Just Conversation—Irving Bacheller the novelist was on a tramping tour through New England. He discovered a chin-bearded patriarch on a roadside rock “Fine corn,” said Mr. Bacheller, tentatively, using a hillside filled with straggling stalks as a means of breaking the conversational ice. “Best in Massachusetts,” said the sitter. oe do you plough that ficld?” asked Mr. Bacheller. ‘It is so very st Don t plough it,” said the sitter. ‘When the spring thaws come, the rocks rolling down hill tear it up so that we can plant corn.” | “And how do you plant it?” asked Mr. Bacheller. The sitter said that he didn’t plant it, really. He stood in his back door and shot the seed in with a shotgun. “Ts that the truth?” asked Bacheller. “Gee, whiz! no,” said the sitter, disgusted. “That's conversation.” —Intervi Justice Demanded—‘‘I have come here,” ry man to the superintendent of the street-car line, “to get justice; justice, sir. Yester- day as my wife was getting off one of your.cars the conductor stepped on her dress and tore a yard of frilling off the The superintendent remained cool. i * he said, “I don’t know that we are to blame for th. What do you expect us to do? Get her a new dress?” ‘o, sir, 1 do not intend to let you off so easily as that,” the other man replied gruffly. He brandished in his right hand a small piece of silk. “What I propose to have you do,’ he said, “is to match this silk.” —New York Nes. The Lowest Office—"Boss,” said Ras Lightfoot the other day, “I gota git off tomorroh.” off tomorrow Pe Yessah.” “But I can’t spare you very well.” I gota go. It’s lodge busin “That new lodge you joined? “Yessah.”” “Why are you so badly needed at the meeting?” be: m de sublime king.” “You have been a member of that lodge only two weeks and tell me you are sublime king already.” essah,”” “How does that come? “You see, sah, in ouah lodge de sublime king am de lowes’ office what dey is."—Youngstown Telegram. That Broad Expanse—“I tell you, gentlemen,” said the great ex- plorer to the crowd in the hotel smoking room, who were listening breath- lessly, “you can’t imagine what things are like out in the Arctic regions.” _ “Oh, I don’t know,” said one. “Even if we haven't seen it, we can imagine what it feels 1 ec. “I doubt it. It’s impossible until you’ve seen it; until you’ve stood there 2 small, insignificant atom, surrounded by vast stretches of white—" »I know. I'v n like that.’ lly? Where w I irst time I appeared in public in a dress shirt.”—Chicago Journal. False Alarm—Mr. McIntosh (to doctor who has had an urgent call in the middle of the night)—Aye, doctor, man, I’m sorry we ca’d ye on such Atreevial job. Ye see, we thocht wee Wi ullie had swallowed a hauf-croon, but my wife has been coontin’ up her cheenge, and it turns oot tae be only & penny.—London Opinion. Incompetent—Grocer—The boy you recommended won't do at all. Customer—What has he been up to? Grocer—I_ gave him a notice to stick up, “All the Delicacies of the seston Will Be Found Inside,” and he pasted it on the rubbish barrel. Tit-Bits If You Lived As The Cave Man Lived Your health would. take care of itself HE cave man ate coarse food and lived a strenuous life in the open. His digestive appa- ratus was suited to that kind of an existence. You inherit from the cave man the ame internal mechanism, but you cat different food and you lead a dif- ferent kind of life. Hence the most universal preval- ence of constipation and its con- stant menace to health. Your problem is to adjust that cave man’? internal mechanism of yours to the sedentary life and concentrated food of civilized man. NUJOL accomplishes this adjust- ment by preventing the bowel con- tents from becoming hard, thus making natural movements easy, It doesn’t upset the ordinary pro- cess of digestion and it doesn’t form a habit. NUJOL is bottled at the refinery and ts sold only in pint bottles bearing the name NUJOL and the Imprint of the Standard Oil Company (New Jersey). Refuse substitutes—be sure you get the genuine. Dept. 13 STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey Send for booklet, “THE RATIONAL TREATMENT OF CONSTIPATION.” Write your name and address plainly below. City.