Judge — February 3, 1917 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

With the College Wits * Jack got through college in three years.” “What of it? I got through in one.” —Lampoon. Starvation—The shipwrecked sailor sat disconsolate on a lonely raft in the middle of the trackless ocean. In his hands he held the last remnants of a pair of shoes. “Though reduced to the lowest extremities and completely surrounded by water,” he croaked hoarsely, “I can still take to my heels.” With these words he made his semi- weekly meal and spent the remainder of the. afternoon picking the nails out of his teeth. —Tiger. Seven-Thirty A. M. at the Commons —Waiter—What’ll you have this morning? Frosh—Breakfast!—Burr. O Tempora, O Mores! —He—I’m afraid this story will shock you. She—It will if I haven't heard it.—Jack o° Lantern, _ Some Sham—He—What would you do if you were a man? She—Well, what would you do?—A gwen, Meow!—Pussy—Miss Sweetly told me last night that she’d heard a lovely compli- ment for me. I wonder what it could have been? Cat—So do I.—Tiger. Some Job—Shke—What were you doing after the accident? He—Scraping up an acquaintance.— Widow. He Must Have Been—Donald—What was that fellow doing with his arms around you last night? Julia—Oh, nothing. Joe—T-always said he was slow.—Jester. Speaking of Last Words—‘Pa, who will bury the last man?” “His wife, my son.”—Froth. Oh!—“Mr. Jones has such a dainty ap- ie “Yes, and such acute indigestion.” —Lam- on. Ninety-nine Feet in the Grave—“I hear Willie Centipede is very sick.” irae® POOF fellow, he’s on his last legs.”"— idow, Straight as the bee flies and quick as though caught by lightning the voice in the telephone carries near and far over this Nation. This marvelous instrument is the pre-eminent vehicle of speed and speech. Railroads cover the country, but your traveler often must alight with bag and baggage and change trains to get toa given point. Railroads reach cities, towns and villages. The telephone reaches the individual. The telephone offers continuous passage for the voice and unbroken connections tothe uttermost places be- cause it is a united System co-ordi- NeYW One Policy nated to the single idea of serving the entire people of this country. It has been a powerful factor, along with the transportation systems, in the magnificent achievements of the United States—helping to prepare the way where latent possibilities of mines, forests and farmswere to be developed. The continued growth of our national prosperity depends in a great measure upon the maintenance and continued growth of the utilities which furnish the means of intercourse and interchange. They are the indispen- sable servants of the individual, the community and the entire nation. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System Universal Service For Your Territory Drive a new tor7 Model Birch Motor Car. Pay for it out of your com: "rive quict missions and take Bl meney on salcs. Special offer now. Write, for Big Free Book and ull information. Address Ralph Birchar BIRCH MOTOR CARS, Dept. 225, 81 £. Madison Street, Ci The Best Summer You Ever Had —opens up new pleasures and surprises that put the Joy of living into your blood. ar y y want to be y newspaper and periodical of importance and Europe is searched. Terms, $5.00 An “Old Town Canoe” will make summer mean more than ever before. Canoeing brings you closer to nature ‘ou can be sure of ‘yourself with an "Old Town Canoe.” It is safe, light, easily. managed and good looking. Sen for catalog. Pick out the canoe you want and get ready to enjoy life, $4 up. 4,000 ready to ship. Easy to buy from dealer or factory. 99 OLD TOWN CANOE CO., 1642 Main St., Old Tews, Maine, U.S. A. comicbooks.com