Judge, 1917-01-27 · page 12 of 28
Judge — January 27, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct elements: **"The Notion Counter"** (left) is a humorous column of aphorisms attributed to Douglas Malloch. These are satirical observations on human nature—witty one-liners mocking hypocrisy, pretension, and self-deception. Examples: "Income is the horse that is soon distanced" (wealth doesn't last); "Poetry is not...what a man thinks but what he would like to think" (aspiration vs. reality). **"When Mother Forgot the Stamp!"** (right cartoon) depicts a young girl at a U.S. mailbox with a dog. The joke references mail delivery rules: without proper postage, letters were returned. The humor lies in depicting a child's innocent mistake causing her correspondence to fail—a common domestic mishap of the era when hand-posting mail was routine. Both pieces use gentle satire typical of *Judge* magazine's social commentary, targeting everyday human foibles rather than specific political figures or events.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE NOTION COUNTER ANY a man who thinks he is a wit is only a clown; M and many a man who thinks he is a clown is only a fool. So many of us mean well. All the porter does with the dust is to keep it in circulation. Virtues are noble qualities possessed by people who never have been put to the test. Time is the wastebasket prepared for hope. Many a woman can quote Browning because her husband can quote hogs. The ills of humanity arouse no sympathy in a man with a cold. There is a lot of smoking-room chivalry that never gives up a lower berth. In the social race Income is the horse that is soon distanced. i Poetry is not the expression of what a man thinks but what | i he would like to think. When you have something to cry over look for something to laugh at. It is a pretty good world except for the people in it. —Douglas Malloch, Once in a while, though, old Backward, Turn Backward puts Kentuc , without a crimp in the Sweet By and By. The other day bo,and mule kicked a stalled automobile to a fare-you-w I tions bent, d, and down at he r the coin to buy a meal—it’s hard to look upon this realize that long ago, when lying in his little W crib, togged out in tucker and in bib, some pa- } rents viewed him, cheerful-eyed, and fairly chor- tled in their pride. And yet his dad, upon’ a da thought life was beautiful and gay; and while he passed around cigars, he stepped so high he brushed the star It’s hard to view a man so fat you cannot { touch his nearest slat, and think that once he | was as trim as young Apollo, and as slim. Yet once he climbed the highest trees, and scampered after bumble bees, and maidens said, as he went by, “He surely is a handsome guy!” You can’t believe that sort of tale; you can’t believe t } he was frail, who now looks like a ton of wurst— you have to see the blue prints first. It’s hard to look upon a bard, who likes his victuals fried in lard, who eats great stacks of pies and cakes, and does away with countless steaks—it always takes away your goat to look upon this stall-fed pote, and then believe he smites the lyre with inspiration’s finest fire. Yet things like this you must admit, as through this queer old world you flit. It’s hard to look upon the dame who plays the politician’s game, and rants for hours, with other frights, about her sacred wrongs and rights —it’s hard, it cannot be denied, to think that + once she was a bride, with smiling eyes and eth, and blooming in her orange wreath. gs like this you must believe, as sadly to the tomb you weave. It's hard to view the lawyer learned, and have your recollection turned to a bright time, far, far when he was honest as the ¢ Yet { things like this you must allow, I must insist; 1 also trow, How will the new woman in Congress hit it off with the old women already there? WHEN MOTHER FORGOT THE STAMP! icbooks.com