Judge — January 20, 1917 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TREASURE REMORSEFUL ROBERT NE DAY I found a dollar bill where someone lost it in the street; I didn’t hardly see it till "twuz lyin’ right between my feet, And when my pa come home that night and heard about the luck I had He said it made my future bright, and him and mother both was glad. “Now start a bank account,” pa said, “and try your best to make it grow; That's how the rich men all got rich.” I thought Id rather spend it, though. I thought of all that I could buy and all the shows that I could see, While pa was tellin’ me how high the interest I'd get would be. “Don't think of wastin’ it o2 trash,” pa said, “for that would spoil your luck; The boy who | get stuck. He said he thought he ought to put it where the interest would grow: I couldn't sce it that way, but, of course, I didn’t tell him so. earns to save his cash goes through where foolish ones The next day I went out and bought ice cream and ginger ale and pop, And nuts and sundaes and a lot of cookies sugared on the top, And plums and candy and root beer, and pretty soon, first thing [ knew, My stummick got to feelin’ queer, and [I was kinda homesick, too, And every cent I had was spent, and people stopped and wished to know What suddenly was wrong with me—I didn’t care to tell them, though. When pa come home, at night, and seen the doctor there beside my bed I couldn't keep from feelin’ mean and almost wishin’ I was dead. % The pains I had was awful bad—it seemed as though my head would burst— And every ache that come would seem to beat the others that come first. A scoldin’ would of made me glad; what made me feel the meanest, though, Was that pa stood there lookin’ sad, and wouldn't say he told me so. E. Kiser. Feminine He—The speaker was very epigrammatic. She—Why, I thought he was highly educated. To Avoid Confusion Jess Willard is not the author of Willard’s Battery, excepting of the kind assault goes with. Gladys—Women are outstripping the men everywhere bathing beaches, And they would th ISLAND CANT AM Cant, The kind without the apostrophe. I am bigger than you think. I work in business, in politics, in education, and in social service. You will find me in every place where narrow, unchanging minds have wormed themselves into power. I am the solace of the little fellow who hasn’t had a new idea since last season. My mortal enemy is the man who thinks honestly and says what he thinks regardless of what may come. I am both servant and master of the weakling who fears to venture far from the muddy shore of established truth. If you use and serve me I will crown you with the crown of mediocrity, I will see that you get on fairly well. I will furnish you with a vast assortment of ready-to-use opinions that will soon quiet your troubled mind and stifle your fearlessness. I will make you exceedingly well pleased with yourself and with all that you say and do. Other men may dislike you, but you will never notice it. H.W. Dee. ——— 2 AT PALM BEACH Mr. Oldback—Except at the there if the law allowed it! comicbooks.com