Judge, 1916-12-30 · page 6 of 29
Judge — December 30, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* (a pre-1923 satirical magazine, likely around 1917 based on "Nineteen Seventeen" reference) contains several unrelated humorous pieces typical of the publication's format. The main cartoon depicts the ship "Good Resolution" wrecked on shore, symbolizing broken New Year's resolutions—a timeless satire on people's failed promises to themselves. The text pieces include: - Poetry celebrating ambitious magazine plans for the coming year - Short comedic dialogues mocking common social situations: a neighbor who promises but fails to help shovel snow; a "Sherlock Holmes" pastiche about unmarried women; a wealthy woman's conditional inheritance requiring cooking ability; marital ambiguity ("sorter" married); and a retail joke about selling potatoes individually instead of in bulk. These represent typical *Judge* humor: wordplay, domestic comedy, and gentle mockery of middle-class life and pretense. The humor relies on recognizable social scenarios rather than specific political references. The "1917" date likely appears on the ship's hull.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Goo Rt Soy, a. A /hes ty fil (ff An Earnest Hope I SOMETIMES go ‘round humming, “T would not live alway”; But through the year that’s coming I truly hope T may You sce, lve just been seannir The magazines. queer, But every one is plan ning A most year! It's stupendous Their stories, tense with fecli Are written with rare skill; ‘They're powerfully appealing. Alight with punch and thrill! New geniuses awaking, Their finest work will give, And famous brains are mal Efforts superlative! Absorbing plots they promise No number may be skipped, ‘Though you're a doubting Thomas ww Your interest will be gripped! All vivid, swift and vital,— Life throbs in every word! I read the whole recital— My soul is strangely stirred! I sean it, Lory, “Death, keep away One more year on this planet Grim Reaper, let me stay!” As breathleasl, Oh, reading the Of any magazine, Let's beg Fate to protect us Through Nineteen Seventeen! Carolyn Wells. yspectus, The druggist gets em both ways. He sells both the ounce of prevention and the pound of cure, OH, U ‘17! Trying Him Out I was Monday morning. Bofile and Swubbs were on their 7.57 commute to the city, when Boffle remarked *Doesn’t it’ beat all what awful liars some fellows are?” Swubbs assented, “That's so. Who is it this time?” “Why, that new neighbor of minc Saturday afternoon when it stopped snowing he was cleaning off his path and [ called over to him for the loan of his shovel when he got through. ‘Sure,’ he says, ‘I'll come over and shovel for you after I finish this.’ But if you'll believe it, he never came near, and yesterday my wife couldn't get out of the yard to go to church.” “But haven't you a “Sure [ have, but I w a show to be neighbor! -Frede Moxon shovel? nted to give him With or Without She — Here's a New York woman left her granddaughters $10,000 apiece on condition that each can cook an accept- able meal He—Acceptable with or hout his knowing that she has the $10,000? Easy Sheerlock—V onder wo man is unmarried Wartson—How can you tell? Sheerlock—I just heard her telling how children She (excitedly) should he brought up bon the i My } Clarence fr. New Year's Resolution shall not touch my lips again Though thirst may fai (But on occasions now and then Ul sup it through a straw. y gnaw. lis Matrimonial Condition * Are marricd?” asked the at- torney. “Yep!—" replied Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark., who was on the witness stand, * you sorter.” Always a Way “We can’t seem to sell these potatoes by the barrel.” Um.” or yet by the peck.” Advertise a bargain sale of potatoes,” directed the head of the department store, “only one to a customer.” NO FAMILY DISTINCTION Oh, Clarence. dear. Do-Do has won the blue rib- I'm as proud of him as if it were you! comicbooks.