Judge, 1916-12-23 · page 24 of 32
Judge — December 23, 1916 — page 24: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertisements and filler content** typical of early 20th-century magazines, with one satirical poem of note. **The main satirical content** is "Insan-itation" by W. Kee Maxwell—a humorous poem mocking the obsessive germaphobia and sanitization mania that had gripped American society following scientific discoveries about bacteria and disease transmission. The poem describes a formerly carefree man whose wife, having learned about "sixty kinds of germs," now forces him into an absurdly sterile existence: using germicide, fumigated clothes, filtered kisses, and hygienic straws. **The satire's point**: This reflects genuine early-1900s anxiety about newly-discovered germs. While germ theory was scientifically valid, some people took hygiene precautions to comedic extremes—the poet calls this obsession "insan-itation" (insanity + sanitation). The remaining content consists of hotel and product advertisements typical of Judge magazine's revenue model, plus a brief anecdote about a newsboy ("A Hard Hit Editor").
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
iN — =< \ ra = ww < WIS Wh = WS REN TOP RYE Ww vyWHISKEY v RED TOP RYE TOP 0’ THE MORNIN-TOP OF THEM ALL THE FERDINAND WESTHEIMER & SONS CO., Distillers CINCINNATI, OHIO. HOTELS INDIAN RIVER and ROCKLEDGE ROCKLEDGE, FLORIDA Located 150 miles below Jacksonville, on the East Coast and Indian River Fine Golf Courses, hunting: fishing; boating: tennis; billiards; pool and dancing. Opens Jan, 4th, Accommodates 400. hattan, 42nd St., N After that date teprest” HOTEL CHELSEA West Twenty-third St., at Seventh Av. NEW YORK CITY 500 Rooms European Plan 400 Baths Room, with adjoining bath, $1.00 and $1.50. Suites, partor, bedroom and bath, $3.00 and upward. Club Break tas: up. Special Luncheon, Se up. ‘Table d' Hote Dinner, 76¢ up. ‘Cate attached. To Reach Hotel Chelsea. From Pennsylvania Station, 7th Avenue car south to 234 Grand Central, 4th Avenue car south to 23d Street: Lackawanna. Erie, Reading, Haltimore & Ohio, Jersey Central and Lenigh Valley R: stations, tak 28d" Street cross Wizard Repeating LIQUID PISTOL Will stop the most vicious dog (or man) without permanent injury. trigger. Loads from any liquid. ots in cme toasting All stealers, torered Wolster, 10s. With Pistol, Sie. Meary + 294 Sheffield Ave.. Dept. E, Brooklys, N.Y. Novcarmdges requend. Ov or by tall, BOs: Rabber eos Actual search, and report FREE. Send sketch or model. 1916 Edition, 60-pace tent book free. My patent sales ser- ‘vice gets full value for my clients. Prompt service. Personal service. GEORGE P. KIMMEL, 225 Narrteter Bidg., Wesbtagtes, D.C. Insan-itation USED to be a carefree man; T went upon my way Unconscious of the pitfalls dark ‘That all around me lay. I ate my frugal three per day With all but vulgar zest; I worked ten hours a day, and slept The slumber of the blest. I used to pet the brindle cat And gambol with the pup; T even drank with nonchalance From out the common cup. But that was in the good old times Ere my sagacious spouse Discovered sixty kinds of germs At large within the house. Now I arise and take a dip In pure formaldehyde; I lave my freshly shaven face In smarting germicide. T don my fumigated pants, My coat denaturized, And sit me dow fear to eat Some food that’s sterilized. Upon my spouse and infant child I plant a filtered kiss; (Who was it wrote, long years ago, That ignorance is bliss!) With rubber mitts upon my hands T amble down to work, Eluding gents with fluffy beards Where bold bacteria lurk. I swat the fly and swab the dust Until my shirt is frayed; I dare not touch a dollar bill Unless it has been sprayed. And if perchance I take a drink, It is a standing law I must inhale it slowly through A hygienic straw. Tam a prudent sort of man And strong for Safety First, But of all manias, it seems, Insan-itation’s worst. It’s hard sometimes to think of life In disinfected terms Or sanitary sentences, Since mother found the germs. —W. Kee Maxwell. A Hard Hit Editor A Newsy was standing in a down-town street doorway in Nashville, Tenn., sobbing piteously, in expectation of getting rid of his papers to some charitably-inclined person un- used to his stereotyped tale of sick mother and nothing to eat in the house. The editor of the big daily he ca known to the boy, happened along. * in the street and cry out what’s in the paper, instead of whimpering there in that corner!” he called out. “Huh!” answered the boy, “there’s nauthin’ in it!” An October Rose HE ROSE still bourgeons on the lawn, A fragrant crimson boon, And yet there seems a glory gone; "Tis not the rose of June! se of Love, not so, For in you I divine A sempiternal charm and glow Howe’er the days decline! — Clinton Scollard. REVITY may give Wit a soul, but it takes Quotation to make it immortal. From San Francisco to Amster- dam the exchange columns quote Judge as the “happy medium” of expression for representative American humor. Notice the clippings you read and you'll see ‘Judge’ every. where. If reading Judge quoted doesn’t convince you of its superiority we suggest: “Judge for yourself” One dollar brings you three months of Judge, which means thirteen jolly week ends, also thirteen frameworthy color covers by America’s best illus- trators. ae IMFORTS OF HOME” By Paul Stahr The Happy Medium FIVE DOLLARS A YEAR 225 Fifth Avenue New York City ee ee ee ee ee ee JUDGE, 225 Fifth Ave., New York Enclosed find $1.00 for which send me Judge for three months (85 one year) No subscription renewed at the one-dollar rate comicbooks.