Judge — December 9, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THINK OF THE BABIES THAT COULD BE RAISED ON THE MILK THAT COULD BE MILKED FROM Trt CowS THAT COULD BE PASTURED ON THs EIGHTEEN HOLE COURSE THE WANTON WASTE IN GOLF By DON HEROLD get near a golf course without thinking what I a lot of land it has spoiled for cows. If a number of well-to-do men usually constitute a golf club (who don’t care a durn for 75 cents) could start a cow club, and go in for cows instead of caddies, and foster the same number of acres of land for grazing as they do for golf, think how they could decrease infant: mortality in the big cities by the distribution of pure milk Factories which now derive their income from the manu- facture of golf balls need not lose anything. They could turn their establishments to the manufacture of nipples and teeth- ing rings—and the whole world would be better nurtured and more pacified And I sometimes think: “What if this whole golf course were planted with onions or broom-corn!” I cannot think of a man playing golf in peace with his God, with the awful thought recurring in his mind that he has spoiled, simply that he may pursue a trivial gutta-percha pill, acres and acres of carth on which might’ be grown spinach, potatoes, alfalfa, long-green tobacco, chocolate celairs, or other nutritive herbs In addition to the terrible waste of acreage, golf has other wastes which are more or less appalling to a less passionate and more thoughtful follower of the pastime. Though this is a day of vacuum cleaners, which makes the conjecture rather impractical, think of the carpet that could be beaten with the effort that the ordinary dub golfer puts into the chastising of a ball around a nine-hole course Enough carpet for the floors of a pa Or to think of cows again, imagine the work a golf fiend could do with a blunt iron club, in the anaesthetic department of a Chicago slaughter house. Think of the handbills a golfer could pass if he did the : alking down a city street, or of the funeral processions in which he could walk’ as pall bearer, or of the transcon- railroads he could survey. I cannot help thinking, cither, of the comic operas a golf club could costume if its members pooled their regalia. The game of golf needs an efficiency expert. It should be boiled down to a back lot, and someone should figure how something else can be done for one day a week by the man who wants to keep in form. We it a book: “How Our Golfers May Be Useful Citizens Also.” well-to-do men as A Religious Difference “And what were your ma and pa quarreling about?” bout when was the best time to have family prayers.” REDEEMED GREAT man came to a small country village, and built A himself a mansion by the sea In the seclusion of his magnificent. rooms canvases which were sent to the foremost world and viewed by thousands of admiring critics. He wrote books which deciphered life from the viewpoint of one who understands life in all its phases. He modeled likenesses which rivaled all other sculptures of the d Yet, when the townsfolks passed his home, they tapped their foreheads significantly and laughed as people laugh who are sure that their judgment is sound. and their brilliancy supreme. Then one d. out on the highw He strode briskly along until he came to the village saloon, which he entered. Passing to the bar, where a motley gathering of the natives held forth, he ordered beer for all. of which he drank more than could anyone present, yet remained sober. He listened to the ribald wit of the loafers and his laugh was more boisterous than that of the others, and his own stories were more dissolute. Leaving the saloon he journeyed to a ficld where ive was pitching stable dressing onto the land, and, seizing the fork from the other, he pitched the dressing quicker and more evenly than his companion. He passed to a barn, where another of the natives w beating out grain with a great oaken flail, and, sei jail the great man beat faster, and with far greater skill than did the yokel And so he journeyed from one place to another, where the villagers were laboring, and in each instance he did their work far better than they themselves. And that night many of the townsfolks gathered in the village post-office, and spoke of the great man and what he had done. And, after much consideration, they decided to invite him to a corn-husking party the following evening. for, said they, with nods of approval, “he appears to be as clever as we ure William Sanford. the great man left his mansion and walked No Doubt Willis—What do you think is the significance of the con- fusion of tongues in the Tower of Babel incident? Gillis—No doubt it was the fellows who had mort clamoring for their interest. son it ste Old gentleman—Ab. ‘tis a noble sight to see the young man of the family taking care of baby. Young man—Cwan, I'm bringin’ home a sack 0° flour. comicbooks: