Judge, 1916-11-04 · page 15 of 32
Judge — November 4, 1916 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces satirizing early 20th-century American social life. **"The Superfluous Mass Meeting"** mocks civic organizations and public meetings. A prominent citizen calls a grand mass meeting, which draws crowds for brass bands and speeches lasting hours. When finally asked what the meeting is *about*, no one—including the organizer—can answer. The satire targets the performative nature of civic gatherings: they're held because "something ought to be done" and mass meetings are customary, not because anything productive will result. **"Quick Workers"** humorously describes instant romance at a summer resort, where two strangers fall in love in a single day. **"How They Differ"** is a joke about presidential obscurity—a vice president gains prominence upon taking office, while a president becomes obscure when *leaving* office. **"Nowhere Else to Go"** satirizes golf's popularity among men, crowding out women from recreational spaces. The page satirizes leisure-class American social customs and the performative emptiness of institutions.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Creamers Marcus The Superfluous Mass Meeting ONCE upon a time a prominent citizen of Tywoppity issued a clarion call for a Grand Mass Mecting to be held on the following Wednes- day — evening. At the appointed time the beauty and chiv- alry of the hamlet assembled en masse and Gashwiler’s Hall SL YS}: echoed and reechoed mime ith the strains of the Silver Cornet Band, the strainings of the Glee Club and the braying of various ambitious Hon’s, who felt that they must be heard. After the hooraw had reverberated for two hours and it had been unanimously decided that Some- thing ought to be Done, a dyspeptic at the back of the hall unfolded his weary length and plaintively asked, “About what?” It then appeared that nobody present knew. Search was made for the orig’ up-getter of the mecting. He was not in the hall, and when he was finally found and aroused from where he sleeping beneath his own vine and fig tree, he answered the anxious inquirers by saying that he knew no more than the rest of them what it was about which something ought to be done. But, as it was customary to call mass meetings every once in so often, and as something -How's the air here—and the scenery? Lucas always ought to be done about something, and as mass meetings never accomplished anything, anyhow, and were useful only for the purpose of giving opportunity for band-clattering, glee-clubbing and silver- tongucd orating, he had duly called the mecting, and now considered his whole duty done. Was he not a highly sensible, though somewhat pessimistic, person? —Tom P. Morgan. Quick Workers HE moment he saw her he felt’ in his heart Just as sure as could be it was love at first he's transfixe useless to fight. So he started right in without loved a maiden before; While the girl also promised that she would be true, And those she had loved she would care for no more. No doubt you may think when you happen to court That it isn’t quite right to make love in this way, But you see this took place at a summer resort Where the man and the girl were just spending the day.—J. J. O'Connell. Wife Search me! I came here for the golf. How They Differ APA, what is the difference between a president and a vice-president?” “A vice-president is surrounded by obscurity when he takes office and a president is surrounded by it when he leaves.” Nowhere Else to Go “Seems to me there were an unusual number of women at church = on Sunday.” “Yes. The golf links is so crowded that they let only men play on Sundays, so there’s nowhere clse for the women to go.” When will the car be out of the repair shop, Jim? Husband—The wolf will be at the door again to-morrow.