Judge — October 21, 1916 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stories with Smiles Too Loud for Him—From a story told in Little Rock it would r that a certain young man of that town was terrified by the conven- tionalities that appeared to him to be necessary in the case of his marriage toa girl of that town. Bo ' The youth sent a letter to a large clothing concern in New York to ask: “What is the proper dress for a groom? | oo. Now, it seems that the clerk who opened the mail referred this inquiry tothe livery department, and that the head thereof dictated a brief reply: © “Bottle-green coat, fawn-colored trouse "i cockade. We can quote you prices as follows.” Ina shi Rock: . “L always knew it was expe something a little less elaborate Nith’ Thoughts My neighbor's hubble-bubble has run out of gasoline, Or some other kind of trouble has attacked the old machine; It stands and snorts and crashes just outside the darned garage. And it sounds like railway smashes, and it smells like ripe froma And my neighbor, weathy, weepy, stands and curses, loud and deep. And I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, and I cannot go to sleep! to get married, but can’t you suggest Youth's Companion. One lively. lone mosquito has come squeezing through the screen! T have nowhere for to flee to, and he knows it well, I ween! And it buzzes like a Devil till T rise and make a light, Then it seeks its proper level and is dumb and.out of sight; Its intelligence is creepy, and my nerves in anguish leap— And I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, and T cannot go to sleep! My wrath is all the hotter that she rests in sluggish bliss While [ wildly wield the swatter, a ch swat’s a hopeless miss! ke a squaw within her tepee 1 silly, woolly sheep— While I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy, and T cannot go to sleep! Then the carts begin to rattle, and the milkman bangs around, And the tom cats cease to battle, and the crickets cease to sound: The stars get dim and dimmer in the gray uncertain skies, And the dawn begins to glimmer, and the cook is fain to rise s 3 y, and the robins peepy-peep, ‘1 I'm going to go to sleep! Ted Robinson in Cleveland Plain Dealer. Terrible Mistake this morning. By Jove, that new coat of hi money. You're doing specially well at presen “Halloa, Brown,” said Jones. Ss must have cost a pot of 0, not exactly,” replied Brown, moodily. “Fact is, she got it by | accident.” i aimed Jones. “How was that?” , old fellow, it was this way: 1 got home rather la very dark, but [ could just distinguish a fig ipped up to her, put m a your little boy a ki “But—but,” stammered Jon “It ” murmured Brown; “that’s how she got the coat.””— Inquirer, Another David Harum—“ Look here,” said the would-be follower of the hounds, “didn’t you sell me this horse?” ‘Why, yes,” said the dealer; “that’s m easter u’re a swindler! That’s w hat you are! T understand from or kearscbaraid beast was thoroughly sound in wind and limb. I find, after ‘ying it, that it’s spavined and blind, and got the staggers. And I want ‘oknow what you're going to do about it?” a I tell you what Vl do. Tl give you the name of the best veteri- sah urgeon in the town. I simply can’t stand by and sce the poor beast er." — Pittsburgh Chronicle T ‘clegraph, - Adhering to Orders—Doctor (to Mrs. Perkins, whose husband is Ci las he had any lucid intervals? elt: Perkins (with dignity) —"E red. doctor.—Christian Register. cathe Real Damage—Heiress (after rejecting him)—I really had to Seat I did. I'm sorry if I hurt your feclings. lor—Worse than that, you've hurt my credit.—Boston Transcript. ‘ad nothing except what you _ with top boots, silk hat with ort time came this plaintive letter from the young man in Little “E saw your wite | OE cata Moderate mode of life and careful conduct of business lead on to fortune. Sturdy health and robust bank accounts keep step with moderation. We count the moderate man our best customer for a wonderfully mild and mellow Whiskey — Wilson—Real Wilson—That’s All! The Whiskey for which we invented the Non-Refillable Bottle FREE CLUB RECIPES—Free booklet of famous club recipes for mixed drinks. Address Wilson, 315 Fifth Ave., N.Y. That's All! ] i | 1 you can draw a little | PLE PETIT LTTE ar eee IN NI AT SND PC SAMA want to draw more, you have an opportunity to learn at small expense to yourself. : § EUGENE ZIMMER- MAN has an established reputation as toonist. a car- He has put some of the tricks of his trade into a book, “CARTOONS AND CARICATURES” bound neatly in 3{ mo- rocco, which will be sent to you prepaid on receipt of $1.00. ZIM BOOK 10-21 Brunswick Building, 225 Fifth Ave., New York City comicbooks.com