Judge, 1916-09-30 · page 6 of 28
Judge — September 30, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1910s-era Judge page satirizes Progressive Era reformers' naive optimism. The main cartoon mocks a "Duffer" proposing that linking voting rights to daily bathing would improve the electorate's character and reduce corruption. His interlocutor (the "Scratch Man," likely representing cynical realism) counters that such a scheme would inevitably be corrupted by a "Soap Trust"—parodying real Progressive anxieties about monopolies controlling essential services. The satire targets two targets: first, reformers who believed mechanical solutions (bathing = better citizenship) could fix systemic problems; second, the actual power of corporate trusts to subvert democratic processes. The page's other content—brief poems and jokes about ethnic stereotypes, fishing stories, and romantic entanglements—represents typical magazine filler of the era, reflecting period attitudes now considered offensive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
every day? And how are you going to prevent unscrupulous persons from tak- ing three or four baths a day, and so collaring all the votes?” “Three hundred and sixty-five would be a man’s limit,” said the Duf- fer firmly. “And I sup- pose someone could invent an attach- ment for bathtubs to show the number of times it had been used. Really, it’s a wonderful scheme. You've no idea the difference a bath makes in a man’s characte! “T know,” murmured the Scratch Man. “Theard you once when you turned on the hot water in the shower by mistake. Thad no idea your character was so—er —fluent.” “You're a couple of idiots,” snapped the Duffer. “Mine would be an ideal ic, and its motto would be Soap We Trust?” suggested the Scratch Man. “A Bath a Day Corruption Away?’ Member hopefully. “Its motto,” said the Duffer scath- Keeps Political supplied the New 's a good motto,” said the Scratch Man, “but you've forgotten one thing. The Soap Trust would run your Republic inside of a week. You would see headlines like this: “OVERWHELMING VICTORY FOR SAPONACEOUS PARTY '!!! “LATHER GOES DOWN TO DEFEAT —PLOT SUSPECTED. “*Owing to the recent cornering of the soap market by the hirelings of the Saponaceous Party, coupled with a shortage in the water supply in the more arid districts, the Saponaceous Party succeeded in electing its candi- date by the majority of thirty-two baths and a hasty scrub. It is charged that the Saponaceous Party took advantage of the fact that the year has an extra day, and by bathing steadily from six in the morning till midnight succeeded in electing their candidates. A number of votes in the poorer districts were thrown out because some heeler hid the towels, thus preventing registration until too late, as the sun was not hot enough to act as an efficient substitute.’ “That's the sort of thing that would happen. Your Utopia would go to pieces ina whirl of soapsuds. You would be remembered as the man who tried to wash the Nation. You would Ballade of the Swarthy Sicilian HE swarthy Sicilian he hasn't a million And doesn’t know where he can get one. He runs a shoe-shinery (back end’s his dinery) But why let such poverty fret one? He sleeps in a cot where he eats, like as not And smells of wild-cherry shoe-dressing ; His hair’s full of grease and he's pizen for peace Till such becomes dull and depressing. And then— This swarthy Sicilian hones up his stiletto And punctures a relative down near the Ghetto. —Strickland Gillilan. On the Country Club Veranda Dobbler (speaking excitedly and hold- ing illustrative hands about fourteen inches apart)—Looky, Cobb! What'd you say if I told you I landed one like that? Cobb (judicially calm)—Huh! That depends, Trout—no. — Putt—maybe. ——/- find that the men of the Country would act under your regime of soap and water exactly as a favorite shirt docs under the same process.” “How's that Duffer unguardedly. “They would run,” said the Scratch Man. —F. Gregory Hartswick. asked the Those Women “He was pleased to say how well I held my age,” announced Mrs. Fortey. “Why shouldn't you?” snapped a neighbor. “Think of the years of practice you've had.” Dangerous Whenever I read of harmful strife, Illicit romances attending, I think how oft a dual life May bring about a duel ending. — Blinks—Did you go away for the summer, old man ? Jinks—I didn’t have to. rd IT CAME TO HIM I found it right here. PEE DEON a