Judge — September 9, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Parodies of the Fair Green The Birdie Three WAS many and many a year ago, On a golf-links by the That a monster dwelt whom I came to know As the Man with the Birdie Three; And the wretch possessed with no. other thought Than to brag—and to brag to me! was T was a dub and he was a dub On that golf-links by the sea; But he loved with a love that was more than love Himself and his Birdie Three, Till I prayed the winged seraphs of Heaven To take him away from me. And this was the reason that, long ago, On that golf-links by the sea, I swatted him with a cleek, killing The tale of his Birdie Three, So that the undertaker came And bore him away from me; But he haunts me still from his sepulchre Near the golf-links by the sea. And the moon never beams without bringing me dreams 7 Of him and his Birdie Three; And the stars never shine but I hear the old whine “I drove from the thirteenth tee—' When I go to my rest he will sit on my chest And tell me—and tel! me—that awful old pest— How he made his Birdie Three, His horrible Birdie Three. —PF. Gregory Hartswick Ma's Indisposition Tcacher—I'm so sorry your mother is sick. Nothing serious, I hope? Johnny—Well, you sce, Ma went all over the house to sce if Pa had locked up for the night—and Pa had—and it kinder give Ma a sorter shock like. Full of Variety 66 VIDENTLY you have not found married life as monotonous as it is often said to be,” we remarked, with a Brother arked, for the fifth time, on “the stormy sea of m: mony. “Plumb fum de beginnin’ it has allus been dat sometimes I could whip muh wife and den ag’in de lady could wallop me.” Tire Trouble at the Round Table cen Guinevere—One of my tire ing Arthur—I told you to get the non-skid kind. Plenty of Materiat “What in the world do your people here have to talk about c we hypercritically fleered. “Why, shucl surprisedly replied the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “There’s just as much weather here as there is any- where!” His Little Lapses “Yassah!” boast- ed old Brother Bo- gus. “I’sa uncom- percated enemy of old Satan all de time—dat is, in muh respirations. But I manages to backslide a little when circus day comes round, Uh- yaw! haw! haw!” Paradox E WAS so close that I could touch him, And so I spoke. He started back, sur- prised, To find me there. him By the lapel; and, as you have surmised, Asked for a loan. ‘Then was I ps He was so close, I couldn't touch him! Ted Robinson. Then quickly did I clutch lyzed— The Crux First cook—How do you like it at the Bumps? Second cook—No good. I'm cooking breakfasts all the way from 8 to rr. First cook—You don’t say! Why, always heard that they all got up at the same time. Second cook—They do, but it them all the way from little Willie's 15 seconds to Miss Bump’s three hours to dress. takes Jones (advertising his car for sale)—Jane, I wish I'd written this fore 1 became converted ! comicbooks.com