Judge — July 22, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HERE is no blessing, howe'er great, that doesn’t jar T luckless skate. When o'er good fortune you r some other fellow lifts hi and grim; what pleases y The rain comes down in liquid drops a parching crops. The farmer dances in his glee; a whooping, happy hayseed he. “The greatest blessing man can gain,” s Hayseed Hiram, “is the rain. Than gold mines it has greater worth, and it restores the palsied earth, and makes the Hubbard squashes grow, and heals the heart that aches with woe.” But somewhere in the woodland dells a roar of indignation swells. There men and dames in raiment gay have come to spend a joyous day; and there, bedraggled, in the rain, they raise umbrellas and complain. And they orate, their tempers hot, “The weather Prophet should be shot. There is no sense in all this juice that’ 's coming down to beat the deuce.” And thus it is with everything. At early morn the birdlets sing, and I arise at break of day to hear their merry roundelay. I would not miss their concert grand for all the organs in the land. And as I sit beneath a tree, and hear them warbling over me, I wonder how some men can lie and sleep when birds are singing nigh. And then I see a window lift, and Uncle Henry, in his shift, pokes out his head and says, “By James! Doggone the birds and all their games! I try all night to get asleep, and just when dawn begins to peep, I drop into a gentle snooze,” here at a wren he throws his shoes, ‘and then these ding-donged songsters come, and knock my slumbers out of plumb! They make me utter sinful words! If I could catch the blasted birds, I'd wring their blinky blanky necks, regardless of their age or sex!" And thus we see, oh, gentle jays, that blessings seem to work both ways. Same Principle Visitor—The people in this section are way behind the times. Look at all the power in those falls in the river. Why don’t you harness it? Rastus—Huh. Dere’s a lot of power in dat mule ob mine but ah'd like to sce anybody harness him. Hope Knicker—Why do you dine there? Bocker—1 hope to get a stock market tip from the waiter. DOCTRINE OF THE BEST AID the Flathead to the Highbrow: “This is as good a S place as any. Let us sit down and talk it over.” “I have nothing to arbitrate,” said the Highbroy disdainfully. “Oh, that’s all right. Brander Matthews says you are edu cated beyond your intelligence. That’s all that’s the matter with you. As for me, I am really sublimely conceited. I'm intensely proud of being a flathead and consider myself superior to the rest of mankind. I secretly look upon you with contempt.” “T look upon you with contempt, but not secretly.”” “Then the only difference between us is that you are more honest than Iam.” The Highbrow considered. ‘o,” he said, “there is also another difference. ter educated.” “Ah! But this is equalized by the fact that whil be burdened with more information, you haven't assimilated it. So that the excess in your education over mine is neutral- ized by my modesty. With me everything is fundamental; with you it is superficial. I am also more human than you are. my weakness. That constitutes my great strength.” 's fight it out,” said the Highbrow. ‘“‘The one who wins will be the superior.” A terrific encounter ensued. At one time it looked as if the Flathead would win. But the Highbrow finally knocked him out. “Is my St i “Is my “Tei “Are you a failure?” “Tam.” “Don’t you wish now that you were exactly like me?” “T do.” “Then you are a liar. Get up. were entirely right about me. Iam a fraud. You are better than I am as you said and as bad as you are. But when you were younger, you did not take boxing lessons, and I did. In short, no matter what you are, if you are able to defend yourself, your philosophy of life is always the best there is.” —Chesterton Todd. Tam bet education superior to yours?” he asked. philosophy of life a better thing than yours?” As a matter of fact, you Her father—| suppose you and Marie have made as much prepara- tion for matrimony as Uncle Sam has for war? Her lover—Oh, more than that. We've planned ahead for six weeks!