Judge — July 15, 1916 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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Randolph & Co., Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D.C. by express—eharges p Stories with Smiles Safety in Numbers—‘I have here,” said the agent, “a utensil that no house- keeper can afford to be without.” “What is it?” asked the woman at the door. “It's a combined corkscrew, can opener, pocket knife, screw driver, tack hammer, glass cutter, and. “Hold on a minute. those things.” “Why not? “By keeping all those tools separate it is impossible for my husband to lose more than one at a time.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. I don’t want one of He’s Out—In a village cricket match the local butcher was batting, when a ball bumped up and hit him on the head, from which the wicket-keeper made a catch. that?” yelled the wicket-keeper. aid the umpire. “But it hit me on the head,” batsman. “T don’t know where it ‘it you,” responded the umpire. “But I knows the sound of wood, so hout you go!” —London Fun. protested the Bill the Monopolist — A socialistic writer was talking in Boston about the dye trust recently formed in Germany. “It includes all the German dye firms,” he said. “Talk about a monopoly, ch? Why, it’s as bad as Bill Smith. “Bill Smith went off to the shore for a weck or two, and on his return took Sam Jones to task severe! “*Look her stand that while took ac Mabel he said, ‘1 under- at the shore you ce to hang round n almost eve ‘0, Bill,’ said Sam, ‘you're mistaken. ‘Iv’s her sister, Sallie Green, that I've been hangin’ round! “Well? said Bill, “that makes no diffe ence. I got my eyes on both them girls. —Washington Star. Jimmy Up to Date—Jimmy, a boy in a downtown office, approached his boss one morning last week: u please Jimmy “My grandmother, sir.” “Aha, your grandmother; go on, Jimmy.” “My grandmother and my mother “What? And your mother, too. Both very ill, ch?” “No, sir. My grandmother and- my oin’ to the baseball game this afternoon and they want me to stay home and mind my little kid brudde Jimmy got the afternoon ¢ Traveler. -—Boston Money Came Back—An offering was taken not long ago, in one of the churches in Scotland, for the Red Cross Society. The people gave cordially of their savings and the session clerk, as usual, took the offering to the bank and remitted by check to headquarters. One old woman who kept a small shop moved by the appeal had given a keepsake—an old crooked threepenny pi the following Tuesday that ident threepenny bit was offered in payment by a schoolboy. It roused her wrath not a little. 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