Judge — July 15, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BY WALT MASON DO NOT like the windy cuss who makes his living with I his jaws; and if you ask me why ‘tis thus, my only answer is ‘ Because!" A multitude of things I hate, and I would not know what to say, if you re: marked to me, “Please state the reasons why you feel that wa There is a suffragist whose name appears in every sheet I see, and I can’t tell you why that me sends horizontal pains through me; but every time I see in print some mention of that busy girl, my hair assumes a reddish tint, and I can feel my sideboards curl. “If she were fried in axle grease,” I often mutter, in despair, “I think that I could die in peace, and smiling leave this world of care.”” She’s never done me any harm, nor handed me a jolt or jar, and yet I'd gladly give a farm to hit her with my motor-car. I often take myself to task: ‘* Why not admire that stately dame, instead of hating her?” I ask; and not an answer can I frame. There is a statesman strong and bold, who keeps this nation in a fit; men say he is as good as gold; I know he always makes a hit. In everything this statesman docs, above all others he excels; wherever men of merit buzz, you sce him present, wearing bells. I recognize that he’s inspired, a man of learning broad and deep; and yet he makes me so blamed tired that I can taste him when asleep. I see the lightning hit the barn, and rob the maple of a limb, and say, “I wonder why the darn old lightning never lands on him?” I hate one man because he wears a style of whiskers I despise; another one because he stares at me with cold and clammy ‘s. I hate one man because he talks with energy that’s most absurd; another I would pelt with rocks because he never says a word You know that chap who couldn’t tell, to save a collarbone or limb, just why he hated Dr. Fell—and I can sympathize with him! Physical Torture Patient—You told me I would get fat, but I have been here three weeks and, instead of the 135 I weighed when 1 came, I weigh only 134 now! Professor—Would you mind writing that out over your signature? You know we advertise to reduce people, too. GARDEN HINTS FROM UPPER BROADWAY Mr. A. Flatdweller Makes Some Helpful Suggestions ON’T expect $12 worth of American Beauties on a D 29-cent rosebush, While perhaps ladybugs should be treated with politeness, for potato bugs use paris green. If your neighbor talks about raising some chickens, get him to talk about something else. Watermelons should be planted on the south side of the lot, as they require a warm climate. For trimming the grass next to a curved walk old manicure scissors will be found just the thing. Reading up on some of the irrigation projects out west may give you some valuable hints on sprinkling. If you wish to be absolut ry, it might be well to sterilize the potato fork before digging the spuds If you would like to have the baby take an interest in digging in the garden, just put it into a white dres Watermelons need not be guarded against the heat of the sun but are likely to wilt in the light of the moon. Cut-worms should be dug up, carried away to a vacant lot, and turned around three times so they cannot find their way back. It is perfectly foolish the hours that the farmers get up. We never get up until seven, and our place is simply doing fine. An ordinary stepladder, such as can be purchased at any hardware store for $1 to $1.25, will make an excellent trellis for the beans. If there is anything about your garden that you do not understand, remember that you can always write the agricul- tural department at Washington. Before pulling up a strange weed it is well to look at the pictures in the seed catalogue. On the other hand, one of our neighbors watered a bect a week before he found it was a bur- dock. —Douglas Malloch. Resident of cyclone chibi (half asleep) —Ding it! somebody opened a wi I feel a draught. comicbooks.