Judge — July 1, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PATRIOTISM, BY WALT MASON DLY I would bleed and die, for this, my coun- To keep the starry flag on high, how cheerfully I'd pass away! My grandsires died at V Forge, my sire at Gettysburg was slain mother’s cou- 's Uncle George was martyred by the hosts from Spaii Since first old Bill, the Conqueror, displayed his pennon and upon the field. Let foreign foe invade this shore! I'll seize my weapons, mighty quick, and wade around knee-deep in gore, and pile up corpses by the rick. to me, long may it on our ramparts shin ime its stars I see, I feel a thrill run up my spine. He is a caitiff and a fraud who would not for it gladly croak, and with his lifeblood dye the sod, where bugles bray and cannon smoke. Let foemen sound the war note shrill, make battlefields of all our farms! I'll take the sword of Bunker Hill, and amputate their legs and arms! O, let me like a soldier die, for this, my native land, by heck! A bullethole in either sword-thrust in my swanlike neck! What's that you say? My tax is due, and if 1 do not promptly pay, the sheriff, with a dep or two, will come and take my goods away? It’s robbery, it beats the Dutch, the way they pile the taxes on; I have to pay three times too much, and here I balk, so help me John. I won't dig up a cent of kale shall resist, to hilt and haft; I'll see my carcase rot in before I'll stand for such a graft The Constitution’s slipping cogs, aw the country’s going to the dogs, and ty’ bitter sway. our liberty has slipped ants hold their Resigned BE CARTER was a pious, hardworking old darkey, much respected by the white people of the community. But evil days fell upon Abe. The bollweevil destroyed his cotton; his adopted baby died of the whooping cough; his wife died of a fever; his mule was killed by lightning, and a cyclone demol- ished his copal minister, hearing of Abe’s extraordinary Hed to see him. “Abe,” said the minister, “you have been sorely afllicted, but you must trust in the Lord; you must believe that it is all for the best.” “Yass suh, Boss,” said Abe, “yass suh, I does. I feels I is in de hands ob a all wise an’ unscrupulous Providence.” JUST A MINUTE WITH THE CLASSICS POLLO had decreed that Cassandra should foretell the truth but should never be believed. “Anyway,” said Cassandra, “1 can see where 1 am going to have a lot of fun saying: ‘1 told you so.”” Jupiter was incensed against Aesculapius for restoring a dead man to life. “You merely want to hold the poor fellow up for a few more costly operations,” he declared, and the sheepish look of the first M. D. showed that the shaft had hit home. Narcissus had taken his first look at his own face mirrored in the fountain. “Nobody can lure me out to the movies after this,” he remarked. The gods had registered one of their customary oaths by the river St “When international diplomacy comes into effect,” they suid, “we are going to have something considerably more crooked to swear by.” Pan had been overthrown by Cupid in their wrestling match “Anyhow,” he growled, as he limped “if the sporting writers poke fun me about this defeat, Pl get even with them when they spend their vacations in the woods next summer.” Prometheus had lighted his bundle of twigs at the chariot of the sun and returned to earth. “Tf Ud been really long-headed about this fire game.” he I'd have organized a fire insurance company and re Arthur Chapman. mused, * tained fifty-one per cent of the stock.” Their Verdict HONOR,” in’ silvery tones said the forewoman “we forgot to ask which gentleman is the plaintiff and winch the defensin, But. after all, 1do not sup pose it makes any pasticular difference, for we find them both guilty. All the jury ladies are agreed that men who wear such atrocious whiskers are perfectly capable of anything.” OUR of the jury, “A cent’s worth o' chocolate, please —the kind you give the most of.”