Judge — June 24, 1916 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MARKOWITZ AND HENRY~— They Discuss Training Camps for War and Marriage By Lov “H ‘RY, are you going to a training camp this summer, to prepare for war?” inquired Max Markowitz, the skirt man- ufacturer, of Henry Shapiro, his bookkeeper and brother-in-law, as they were passing a large placard which urged citizens to go to Platts- burg. “Prepare for war!” repeated Henry. “What war? Woss war? I tell you, Max, war is just like them styles. When they got something new in Paris, they got tu copy it i New York. And do you think a man is any difference from a woman? Oser! A women sees in the papers or in the magazines or by an actorke in theayter, that hats this year will be like this—and skoits like that; and right away she works day and night—herself or with her husband or father—until she gets on them hats or skoits—even if it kills her. “And by a man it’s the same thing!” continued Henry. “He reads every morning and every night that over in Europe it’s notting but fight, fight, fight!—so pinocle and golf andeven base- ball becomes so slow for him like for the fourth hand of a three-handed ‘auction.’ He’s dying to get a little quick action like on the other side and commences monkeying with a gun —even if it kills him. Believe me, Max, if people from Europe would spend more time and mazumen getting pre- pared for living good with the feller next door, and not for killing him because he lives on the other side, from what my night-school teacher said was an imaginary line, they wouldn’t have such black years like them last two.” “Henry, when will there be an end to your meshugana idees?” asked Markowitz. “If I was you, I would get them boids out from my head and put in a little common sense. I bet you don’t even believe in preparedness, in spite of the parade on Broadway! You're one of them fellers that if everybody says it’s day, you'll say it’s night. You don’t believe in preparedness? Take it from me, Henry—and I’m ten years older from you—there’s notting so good in this woild like preparedness, with a good pair of muscles and a big fat pocket-book. In the next woild, maybe your crazy idees will be good for the angels, but in this woild, I would get ready for everything; for war—for strikes—for marriage ” —for— “Prepare for marriag “Right away you'll be tel interrupted Henry mockingly. ing me, we should get training camps for marriage. like for war!” RAB “You think such a bad idee?” commented Markowitz, after a moment’s contemplation. “I think if every young man would spend a couple of weeks loining from old married men what's already got gold or even silver wedding stripes, the divorce lawyers would have to go into the real estate business and the judges from Reno would have more time to go fishing.” “And what would you teach them?" demanded Henry. “Foist 1 would train them to be good diplomats,” answered Markowi “ Marriage is so full of settlements, like an otomobile with expenses; ard if you ain’t a good settler you got so much chance fcr a happy life like a Chinaman in Chetry Street. Take for a sample, what would you do if you was a married man, and was just dying for a little game of auction in a customer's house right here in the Bronx, and at the same time your wife is dying to see the young man what her cousin got in Brooklyn?” “I would stay in the Bronx and let my wife go to Brooklyn!” replied Henry promptly. “You would, would you?” laughed Markowitz. “Oy, Henry, you sure need to go to a marriage training camp ten times with overtime besides! You don’t even know the foist rule of marriage, that ‘united you go visiting—divided, you stay home.’” The pup—Pshaw! Every time I want to play with that thing it runs into its hole and never comes out again! comicbooks.com