Judge — May 27, 1916 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SAY to friends I meet, “Be joyous! Let nothing in this world annoy us, or start us shedding brine; for when we hand out sobs distressing, or have the dumps, we are confessing that we are lacking spine.” But when I leave the city’s clamor, and trot out home, I take my hammer, and knock to beat the band; I tear the government asunder, and say all things will go to thunder in this demnition land. I say that trade is growing worser, and as the family disburser, I must economize; we'll get refreshments at the river, and live on onion hash and liver, and cut out oyster fries. I tell how war has raised the prices of succotash and lemon ices, and everything we wear; and as I chew the home-made crullers 1 picture things in gloomy colors and groan and tear my hair. I say to other folks, “Be cheerful! There is no place for faces tearful, in this gay world of ours! Forget a while your woes and sorrows, your dread of black and grim to-morrows, and talk of birds and flowers!” But when I’m home you ought to hear me! The furniture that’s standing near me is splattered with my tea! sit and roast, for hours together, the war, the wardrobe and the weather, this planet and the spheres. The neighbors say to Jane Mirandy, “ Your husband surely is a dandy, with such a cheerful face! It must inspire you when you're weary, and life seems desolate and dreary, to have him round the place.” To a Lawn Mower RHYTHMIC hum of merry, swirling 9 blades, You have a song: of summer morns that pass In click and whir and evanescent shades, And magic odors born of bleeding grass. An older man’s gay substitute for golf; Parabolas of greening sparks and rays; Infernal engine, though, of boyhood shame— You always fell to me on circus days. —Charles Devine. With This Ring He—In my home, I’m proud to say, woman rules. She—Queensbury rules? A Hard Blow “Can't Casey work?” “ A MODERN OBSESSION IHE Society for the Consideration of Aches and Pains met last evening at the home of Mrs. X. Ray Karver at 711 Hospital Avenue. The first number on the program was a thrilling paper on ‘‘Reminiscences of a Fifth Operation for Appendicitis,” by Mrs. Uly: R. Lucky. Our community is ex- tremely fortunate in numbering among its citizens a woman of Mrs. Lucky’s power. Her ability to portray the pangs of ebbing anesthesia and her keen attention to the minor details in the technique of surgery are little short of marvelous. Her paper is to be commended for its accuracy, vividness, and literary finish. At the conclusion of Mrs. Lucky’s paper, which held the Society bound for almost two hours, Miss Piney Twilight gave an xtended discourse entitled ‘Some Operations I have Heard About.” Miss Twilight's intimate acquaintanceship with the surgical operations in this vicinity for the last thirty-five years and her well-known activity as a patron of funerals have bestowed upon her a wealth of information that gives astounding weight to the least of her assertions. Her skill in the selection of material was evident throughout all parts of her long talk. After the two formal talks of the evening had been discussed, a light but efficient repast was served. Upon the suggestion of the hostess only minor operations and the less morbid pathogenic micro- organisms were discussed during the eating. The last number on the eveni program, and the most enjoy- able, was a symposium on “Major Operations My Friends Have Enjoyed.” The speeches were limited to five minutes with a privilege of fifteen minutes overtime for cause. Many things were brought up that were entirely new to most of the members present. —H. W. Dee. On Scattering Sunshine “If Providence gives you gaiety and cheer of spirits, lift up the careworn by it,” said Professor Pate. “Wherever you go, sing and shine. If you do this, people who were theretofore bent double ‘neath their burdens of woe will straighten right wp in order to kick you, and thus be greatly benefited by having their thoughts taken away from their own melancholy conditions.” . he’s too deaf to héar the whistle.” “ You're a nice bunch! How are we to hoist a flag o' truce if none 0° you guys ain't got a han’kerchief ?” comicbooks.com