Judge, 1916-05-27 · page 10 of 28
Judge — May 27, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several humorous short pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"A Family Matter"** mocks nepotism in the military—a General appoints his aesthete son as Captain, offending experienced soldiers. The joke: when the son delivers orders in affected language, a Colonel sarcastically asks what "Mother" would like, insulting the young officer's perceived weakness and dependence on his father's influence. **"The Anti-Don't Declaration"** is a poem celebrating rule-breaking. It ironically argues against warnings and restrictions, with the punchline that the only "don't" that matters is "Don't Get Caught"—satirizing widespread disregard for social rules and authority. **Other brief jokes** include wordplay about envelopes mixed between condolences and congratulations, a mother's warning about pickpockets, and a pun on "dich in dishonesty." **The bottom cartoon** shows children playing near storefronts, humorously captioning that a baseball club needs to adjust their treasurer's report—missing three cents, presumably due to children's mischief. The overall tone reflects wartime-era skepticism toward authority and institutions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Family Matter N ENGLISH Major-General appointed his son, a Captain. to the divisional Staff. The nomination started a sullen fire in cach of a hundred besoms, for the Staff Captain had some of the manners of a khaki wsthete. He was sent to the Colonel of a Canadian Battalion with an order which he transmitted in the following words: “Colonel Jaggers, Father would like you to move your force to the second reserve trenches on the north side of the hill.” The Colonel breathed short, for his men were tired after eight hours of extra duty. “Oh,” he said, in velvet tones, “and what would Mother like?” An Anti-Don't Declaration MIGHT start don’ting, I suppose, But still I guess I won't; For everywhere a fellow goes He runs against a don’t It’s don’t do that and don’t do this; The way with don'ts is fraught; But hardly one worth notice is Excepting Don’t Get Caught. As barriers the don'ts are set To hinder me and you I never saw a don’ter yet Who got there on the do. Most don'ts of business or health May well be set asi Few men gain greatness, fame or wealth Through rules laid down to guide At all the don'ts ‘tis best to smile, The whole pestif'rous gang; Just keep on doing all the while And let the don'ts go hang! Walter G. Doty. The Brute! She—Why did I ever marry? the men! He—Wasn't that the reason? I hate Was It? an awful mixup Jones made nith families.” “That was with the two § “Was it?” “Yes; you see it was this way: That old Skinflint Smith passed out, and about the same time that nice little Smith girl, who wasn’t related to the other Smith at all, Jones mixed the envelopes by mistake and sent the congratulations to the widow and the condolences to the bride. Awful mixup!” “Was it?” ‘Tis Easy to Be Wise Mother—With so pickpockets around, it is foolish to carry a lot of money. Harold—Is it? Then I am a wise guy. many Has anybody put the dich in dishonesty? Clarinda Celebrates LARINDA has a quiet way, Although at times she’s blithe and gay. Her ev'ry move is most entrancing There’s mischief in her silent glancing, E’en though she’s garbed in Quaker gray. colors loud she'd said n Until one day—'twas late She thought her ways she was enhancing. "Twas then I smiled Her suit was mostly green moiré Her cheeks all rouged with carmin jes and tints was dancing! n was advancing, tion Day!” "Twas then T smiled.—Don Bregenzer. say, The Uproar my beloved niece, singing at a mark ‘The baseball club, finding a deficit of three cents in the treasurer's report, requested an adjustment comicbooks.com