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Judge, 1916-05-06 · page 21 of 28

Judge — May 6, 1916 — page 21: what you’re looking at

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Judge — May 6, 1916 — page 21: Judge, 1916-05-06

What you’re looking at

This page contains satirical poetry about the actress **Theda Bara**, a famous silent film star known for playing seductive, dangerous women ("vamp" roles). The "Celluloid Sonnets" mock her screen persona by comparing her to Cleopatra—suggesting her on-screen seductions are even more destructive than the historical figure's, and sarcastically asking if she has any genuine human emotion beneath her manipulative exterior. The humor targets both Bara's manufactured movie image and contemporary anxieties about female sexuality and power. The page also includes unrelated humorous anecdotes ("Utilizing Him," "By the Way," "The Week-end Problem") typical of Judge's miscellaneous joke sections. The remainder is dominated by a **Bell Telephone advertisement** ("The Kingdom of the Subscriber") presenting corporate rhetoric about service and democracy—ironic placement alongside satire mocking artificial personas.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CELLULOID SONNETS THEDA BARA t Out of © prize crately, ial ata xample ind not ovelist iterary ying a t plain | forth Plain: use he t men ny of omen, ‘er, it those sions, ; This Cleopatra_person known to fame said, In sunny Egypt centuries ago lores Was rated by the chaps that ought. to know As ace-high at the fair enchantress game. % Ido not doubt she was a charming dame. ret Who wrought her share of scandal and of woe: lege But in comparison with yours. I trow. men | Her blandishments were colorless and tame. Dear lady, is your heart made of cement— cto | Or have you any trace of heart at all? t to And are you never prompted to repent men The wiles which lead your victim to his fall? dge Why. helpless males—the riddle is complex .) Theda Bara grudge against our sex? rd} W. Kee Mewwell the Utilizing Him se “A NIGC that was snooping around ren my e tuther night fell into the = well,” related Gap Johnson, of Rumpus ner Ridge, Ark. “I heered him yelling and went out after a while. ‘Just take keer of yourself till morning.’ says L. ‘If you're still alive then V'll haul you up and make you clean out the well. If you ain't I'll clean it out myself.” By the Way Parke—I's strange how few people there | are who are thoroughly reli Lane—I cannot understs i, Wis simply incomprehensible. By the way, is your car running? © me around to Simpers, will you? } He dines at seven and it’s a quarter after | now.” | The Week-end Problem Husband—How many this w Wife—Only one “Ob, get one more; then they can enter tain each other.” week end guests ald insist th In the development of the telephone system, the subscriber is the dominant factor. His ever-growing requirements inspire invention, lead to endless sci- entific research, and make necessary vast improvements and extensions. Neither brains nor money are spared to build up the telephone plant, to amplify the subscriber’s power to the limit. In the Bell System you have the most complete mechanism in the world for communication. It is ani- mated by the broadest spirit of service, and you dominate and control it in the double capacity of the caller and the called. The telephonecannot think and talk for you, but it carries your thought where you will. It is yours to use. One Policy h bath"and shower nded by parks, half a block of entrai 400 Rooms, 225 ¢ weeks for Tourists Special Rates for ove or HM. PROHMANN, Pres. Every tover of a good corkta Bitter be usta in nation Laat an Abbott's you gett Ma av) jeosssewas The Kingdom of the Subscriber AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System MANHATTAN SQUARE HOTEL | | 50 to 58 WEST 77th STREET, NEW YORK Parlor, bedroom and bath with shower for one or two persons Parlor, two bedrooms and baths, shower. three or four persons, $3.00 to $3.50 per day Excellent restaurant Without the co-operation of the subscriber, all that has been done to perfect the system is uselessand prop- er service cannot be given. For exam- ple, even though tens of millions were spent to build the Transcontinental Line, it is silent if the man at the other end fails to answer. The telephone is essentially demo- cratic; it carries the voice of the child and the grown-up with equal speed and directness. And because each subscriber is a dominant factor in the Bell System, Bell Service is the most democratic that could be provided for the American people. It is not only the implement of the individual, but it fulfills the needs of all the people. Universal Service OPPOSITE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY Convenient to everything $2.50 per day to Central Park, esses Moderate prices. Club breakfasts GEO. W. O'HARE, Mer. « s fo URS ce oe comicbooks.com