Judge — April 29, 1916 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Passing the Mustard One Advantage—‘So you bought one of those automat they tell so many funny stories about?” ees,” replied Mr. Chuggins. “And it is saving me a lot of trouble and wear and tear. When your friends tell you jokes about your car they don’t expect you to ask them to ride around in it.”"—Buffalo Courier. Politics—Political Boss—I can land you a job payin’ three thousand a year—two to you and one to me. Worker—And do I who does all the work? Boss—Sure; and we split half of his salary between us.—Buffalo Courier. have an assistant Wanted a Reduction—Scot (at the baths)—What’s the price of a bath? Attendant—One shilling. Scot—Heeh, man, that’s a lot. Can ye no’ say sixpence and put in less water? —Tit-Bits. Probably Waiting to Show Off— “You're a swindler,” aimed Mrs. Gobb, as she entered the bird store. “You're worse than a highway robber. You ought to be ashamed of yourself to cheat a poor, innocent woman the way you did. That parrot I bought of you last week is a fraud. You said it was a fluent talker and you charged me a big price for him, too, and that bird hasn’t said a single word since I got him. Not one word. Do you hear me? Not—one—single—word!"”” “Perhaps,” suggested the bird fancier, nildly, “you didn’t give him a chance.”— New York Sun. Tut-tut—“The word ‘reviver’ spells the same backward or forward.” It'was the frivolous man who spoke. “Can you think of another?” The serious man scowled up from his sewspaper. “Tut-tut!” he cried contemp- twously.—Toledo Bla: utting and Cutting and Fitting— ng, but not fitting go together in dressmal necessarily in speechmaking.”” “What's wrong at your club, my dear?” _ “We asked Mrs. Flubdub to make some fitting remarks and she made some cutting remarks.” —Kansas City Journal. His Mistake—“How did you lose your last job?” “Twas fired for making a mistake.” “That seems unfair. We are all liable to make mistakes.”” “Yes, but I told the boss that he couldn’t get along without me.” Shrewd Retort—The late Sir Robert Ball, the famous astronomer, a keen humor- &, was never loath to recount a joke at his own expense. He was dining with some fiends at Stratford, and on the bill being Presented he said to the landlady: “Madam, I am going to give you a lesson | astronomy. In 25,000,000 years all things must return to their original condi- Sor. We shall all be here again eating a et precisely identical. Will you give Sqedit until we come back?” Well,” replicd the landlady, “you were Approved by Harvey W.Wilcy Director of Good House- keeping Bureau of Foods, San- itation and Health Letters of a SELF-MADE FAILURE By Mavrice Swiezer | CONSTIPATION IN CHILDREN O you realize how often the foundations of ill health are laid in early childhood—by the neglect of parents who fail to guard their children from the dangers of the constipa- tion habit? Children should not be given cathartics and strong purges. They weaken the natural processes of evacuation and are dangerously habit-forming. A far safer and saner means of securing normal bowel movements is the use of Nujol, which is entirely free from these objections. Nujol is not a laxative, but acts in effect as a mechanical lubricant, preventing the contents of the intestines from becoming hard, and so pro- moting healthy and regular bowel activity. Most druggists carry Nujol, which is sold only in pint bottles packed in, cartons bearing the Nujol trademark. If your druggist does not carry Nujol, accept no substitute. We will send a pint bottle prepaid to any point in the United Stateson receiptof 75c—money orderorstamps. Write for booklet, “The Rational Treatment of Con- stipation.” Address Dept. 13. STANDARD OIL COMPANY ‘New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey MAURICE SWITZER’'S Letters of a Self-Made Failure With 14 brilliant pen-drawings by Frank Godwin Th LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE FAILURE” ran serially for ten weeks If you sit in “the ia Leslie's, and were quoted by more than 200 publications. driver's seat” or merely plod along beside the wagon, whether you are a success or think yourself a failure, you will find this book full of hope, help and the | right kind of inspiration | f you beheve A rather than why one man succeeds, read this book. in epigrammatic style w “| station. | me Price, $1.00 Leslie-Judge Co., 225 Fifth Ave., New York City Ss comicbooks.com it is more important to know why ten thousand fail The LETTERS are written ith a touch of irresistible humor, and they impart a sys tem of quaint philosophy that will appeal to everyone, regardless of age, Sex OF