Judge — April 15, 1916 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Passing the Mustard Unconscious Joker—What the case was about no one seemed to know exactly. The lawyers themselves were pretty well mixed up. Then an important witness entered the box and was presently asked to tell the court the total of his gross income. He refused; the counsel appealed to the judge. “You must answer the question,” said the judge sternly. The witness fidgeted about and then burst out with: “But—but, your honor, I have no gross income. I’m a fisherman, and 's all net.""—Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph. Safety First—Landlady—Who are you? New Guest—I am a performer. “What do you do?” “escape from tight places.” “Without anybody seeing you do it?” eyes.” “Well, if that’s the case you'll have to pay in advance.”—Youngstown Telegram. The Right Word—“I see you are presenting Hamlet to the public this “Presenting is the right wor sented the manager. ‘Nothing but eadheads in the house,” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Significant Sign—‘‘Binks does not intend to accept any leap year proposals “How do you know?” “Because when they were talking about the language of flowers the other evening, and he was asked what he preferred, he said bachelors’ buttons.” —Baltimore American. Didn't Need One—“ Do you have to put a scarecrow out in the corn- field to keep away the birds?” asked the city man. “Oh, no,” replied the farmer, taking another pull at his pipe.‘ My wife’s out there every day, hocing.”—Yonkers Statesman. The Retort—The Diner—Say! Of all the vile, nauseous messes ever st before a man to cat The Waiter—Sh! You seem to think we're your wife.—Boston Globe His Suspicion—AMrs. Yeast—A woman of Stoughton, Wis., a few days ago used a telephone for the first time in her ot years. Mr. Yeast—First day she hadn't found the “‘line busy,”’ I suppose.— Yonkers Statesman. In Naval Terms— at is the rhinoceros. See his armored hid “Um. And what's thi “The giraffe.” “Gee! He's got a periscope.”—Kansas City Journal. Economy—‘‘I didn’t know your little boy had to wear glasses.’ We Americans live more carefully these days. We have learned that moderation makes for efficiency and health and prosperity. And thus the particular man in- sists upon a mild, mellow Whiskey, everytime, everywhere — Wilson — Real Wilson—That’s All! The Whiskey for which we invented the Non-Refillable Bottle FREE CLUB RECIPES—Free booklet of famous club recipes for mixed drinks. Address Wilson, 315 Fifth Ave.,N. Y. That's All! “Well, y'know, he’s not obliged to, but they were a good pair of poor dear Enry’s, and I thought it such a pity to waste ’em.”—Passing Show. Ought to Be—“Is that doctor capable of telling you how to avoid gin?” “He ought to be. He had it half a dozen times himself." Richmond | Times-Dispatch. Not So Bad—Corporal—This is a terrible business. Sergeant—Oh, I don’t know. I’ve lived with my wife’s relatives for the lst four years.—Philadel phia Bulletin A Bunch of Smiles Jovce is older than many of our subscribers, and during all these years has had beyond paying expenses and making a modest profit for isowners, but one end in view—that of adding to the joy of living. Its humor, expressed in prose, verse and pictures, h. da distinct American flavor and has been wholesome and sweet. Unlike its contem- porary with social aspirations it is uninfluenced by social or religious Prejudices and leaves the hymn of hate unsung. It is one of those publi- Gtions that bring a lot of joy and sunshine in the home or office—the | kind that makes us wonder if our subscription has run out when it does tot arrive on the day it is due, the kind each member of the family wants to | open first. Judge ha: ays been good, but it is pleasing to notice that it | Sbetter now than ever before.—The Spatula. | MELLOW THE road to pure whisky is an arduous one—the road to mellow whisky is a long one — our faithfulness in following both these roads, care and- time, is what makes Cascade distinctive. Original Botiting has Old Gold Label, GEo. A. DICKEL & Co. Distillers Nashville, Tenn comicbooks.com