Judge, 1916-04-15 · page 10 of 28
Judge — April 15, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This humorous story satirizes early 20th-century marriage dynamics and male behavior. Mr. Twitt, characterized by a brutish appearance ("bulging forehead and cast-iron chin"), attempts to win back his wife's affection through lavish spending—a hundred-dollar bill and expensive pink silk stockings—after neglecting her for years due to "press and worry of business." The satire targets husbands who believe money can solve marital problems and erase their indifference. Mrs. Twitt's immediate emotional transformation upon receiving gifts mocks both her superficiality and the transactional nature of contemporary marriages. The sidebar joke about lawyers "untying knots" with "jawbones" references divorce proceedings, implying such reconciliations are often temporary. The overall message: material gestures cannot truly repair damaged relationships—though apparently they work quite well in the short term.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Caddy—Gee! that's a dandy wallop, mister! TWITT TAKE A TUMBLE MR. AND MRS. 66T)O YOU remember,” asked Mr. Twitt, who had one of those bulging foreheads and cast-iron chins, and, usualiy, a flinty stare in his eye when he looked across the breakfast table at Mrs. Twitt—"Do you remember how the Easter before we were married I bought you a pair of red silk stockings —and you said I was a bad boy?” Twitt gasped. Was her Lord ster going crazy? “Ye I remember.” “To-day I’m going to be posi- tively wicked—I’m going to get you a pair of silk stockings that would make those look like mourning. Saw ‘em yesterday in a Fifth Avenue shop. They're pink, with Easter birds doing a marathon ‘round the—the ankles, and so forth.” *You—you mean jaintly asked Mrs. Tiwtt. “Certainly I mean it. -Furthermore, I want you to take this century note’—Mr. Twitt deftly extracted a hundred dollar bill from his vest pocket and presented it to his lady—* Furthermore, [ require and charge you, if you are the wife of a true sport, to expend this slight token of my appreciation on glad garb. Fix up for Easter. Deck your lissome figure, Old Sweetheart. Adorn your pretty self. Crown your raven tresses. Are you the wife of a true sport?” “Tam the wife of a true sport,” answered Mrs. Twitt, as one in a dream (but not neglecting to take the hundred). “Y’ know,” said Mr. Twitt, with the easy grace of a man who is conscious of being about right, “y’ know I fancy I've sort of over- looked your many and true virtues and prime qualities the last year or so or three or four. Press and worry of business and ha conditions. Forgot how good iooking you were—you are Twitt, correcting himself just splendid, William,” said Mrs. Twitt, with a won- derful light in hee eyes. , Now, if ye‘d only land on it! “HL -m,” said Twitt; “that’s allright. It’s uptome. I kaven’t meant to be -er—critical about your disposition. You're a Peach, Gertrude. Come over and sit on my knee.” She sat on his knee for the first time in she didn’t remember when, and began to smooth his check. “1 didn’t mean to be cross.” she murmured. “When were you cross?” “Oh, [ don’t know.” “Forget it, my Love.’ At this point w w the curtain, adding, however, infor- mation that when Wi m Twitt left the house that morning Mrs. Twitt, with an angelic expression on her face, went sing her household du- ties, and finally re- marked They used to say of a married man, “He has tied a knot with his tongue that hecan- not untic with his teeth,” but nowa- days he can untie it with the jawbone of any lawyer. Revision Necessary “Is his life an open book?” “It would have revised tor to be family reading. comicbooks.com