Judge — April 1, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EOPLE who expect to get anywhere socially must learn to look bored. It is impossible to rise above others unless they = bore you. As long as la you are content to en- joy your fellow men in a wholesome way you cannot hope to have the friendship or pat- ronage of the better classes. In order to be pre- & pared to look bored at all times it is best to cultivate supercili- ousness, Hold all good, sensible things in supreme contempt. If you are forced to say something, scoff at religion, criti- the colleges, deplore politics, 7/% rail at the laboring class, sneer at 7 the moderately rich. But don’t talk unless it is absolutely neces- sary—look uninterested. Let it be known that you are \S easily disgusted. Include every- thing in the commonplace, espe- cially those things that strike you as being original and worth while. When it becomes necessary for you actually to do something, employ all the condescension you can mus- ter. Accept the patronage of your equals and superiors with notice- able resignation. Whatever happens, look bored el f cp = Out-Venusing Venus ELLESLEY and Swarthmore are at odds over the claims advanced by both that each has THE one perfect Venus. Vari- ous tables of measurements have been made public by both institu- tions to uphold their claims, and a great deal of language has been dis- tributed broadcast. Phe standard used is that of the Venus de Milo, who—one cannot bear to say “which” —has been the model after which many and many people, from the date of her di terment, have literally molded their ambi- tions. On paper the Swarthmore Venus has the advantage; but the Wellesley goddess is so close that it is difficult to give the palm to either. Through the pother, the innocent cause of it all remainssilent, incontemplation of the ages. Miss de Milo can afford to shrug her shoulders—what is left of them— at the warring clans. She is unreachable— supreme. She may well remark, “What fools these mortals be!” You see, she has all the advantage; she isn’t pestered with offers of marriage in every mail Extra-Judicial Comment I’ TIMES like these you daren’t bet that the most inveterate peace lover won't wind up by marrying. ¢ There was some delay in confirming our ambassador to Mexico, but an ambassador to Mexico does not need a certific: appointment half as much as an ac policy. ¢ aren't so many almost y libeling Lincoln by At that, there statesmen successful looking like him. The season is at hand when the most obstinate opponent of divine right takes off his hat to the captain of the nine and the other potent cight. ¢ One of life’s tragedies is to sup- port the ticket for twenty odd years, on the off chance of getting the post office, and then find that P. M. means good afternoon @ Tottering despotisms little reck whether Colonel House brings them “the White House atmosphere” or some other equally efficacious fear. s That second term presidential plank may not be “inferentially disavowed,” but would its best friend ‘‘recognize”’ it? 2 Napoleonic ambition may still need its St. Helenas, but Elbas will suffice for latter-day Napoleonic nius. * Prohibition is an intoxicating question, but we know congress- men who care less about what is the drink of the period than about what the hyphenate. comicbooks.com