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Judge, 1916-04-01 · page 24 of 28

Judge — April 1, 1916 — page 24: what you’re looking at

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Judge — April 1, 1916 — page 24: Judge, 1916-04-01

What you’re looking at

This page from *Judge* magazine contains several humorous short stories and advertisements typical of early 20th-century American magazines. **The main content includes:** 1. **"Vanquished Rival"** — A darkly comic story about a man named Doglett Loose who invites his rival Cozie Nooks to dinner. The "rival" turns out to be Doglett's wife's ex-lover whom she brought to live with them after marriage. The rival has died, prompting Doglett's celebration. The joke satirizes both miserliness (Doglett is so cheap he ties string to coins given to beggars) and the absurdity of the situation. 2. **"When the Boy Gets Back"** — Gentle satire about college students returning home and pretentiously using scientific terminology ("sodium chloride" for salt, discussing gravitation while spilling food). 3. **Short jokes** about working-class aspirations, business positions, and grammar. The page is primarily **advertising-heavy**, promoting perfume, whiskey, hotels, bicycles, and self-help books—typical of this era's magazine business model.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For Trral Bottle (Regular 25¢ Size) . You have never seen anything like this before | Anew,original perfumeextremely last- ing: the fragranceof thousands of blos- foms combined in Rieger's new creation “Mon Amour” The Swoeatheart of Porfemes 2, Queen, Howe, Violet, tee lac, Oraparole—all q.gunep atdralersor by mail SR ars gen, Money back iPnrepicwsed, indf1.Cosouvent rbox—Godors,sscbottles, OAC St 25¢B0TTLE PAUL RIECER 107 First Street, San Francisco, Cal and all who contemplate m: Should Own. this complete informative book “The Science of a New Life” By JOHN COWAN, M.D. od recommended by foremost Unfolds the secrets of married sae s0 often revealed too late! No te like it to be hed at the price. We of the chapter subjects pot meant for children. Gb Rowe Street cae Co., gi oe Mere As A Pleasant Beverage snd A Pure. Wholesome Tonic It Has No Equal. AVOID THIS AD! TUM unless you have talent for drawing. Send four cents in stamps for full information. ZIM’S Correspond- ence School of Cartooning, Comic Art, and Caricature, Box R, Horseheads, N. Y. PERSONAL Mesars. GOODERHAM & WORTS (Limited), Toroato, Canada, Sh epleky they are now cxading to the United tell the b’y, ‘Have me called at 6 o’clock tomorrow mornin’.’ Then I'd go to me room and pull down the blinds, and whin first they called me I'd not answer, and whin they called me louder, I'd say, yez! I’m not obliged to be workin’; I've got_mon “Aw!’” remarked Tim, as he once more began work. what would you do if you wor a I'd have a half-fut more len’th to this pick-handle, and save me poor back.”—London Answers. When the Boy Gets Back—When our son returns from college and sits down to breakfast, he may s very learnedly, ass the pepper Sodium Chloride”, atirically compare the Gazette with hakespeare; state that he has proved the law of Gravitation when he spills down the front of his corduroy vest; may say that he is the ultimate consumer of muffins, which would tempt only the fire- cake eaters of Valley Forge. But we can teach him some table manners.—Record. Vanquished Rival —“Oh, hello, old chap. Just the man I’m looking for. Come and have dinner with me,” bubbled Doglett Loose. “Huh—what the occasion—why _ the joy?” doubtfully asked Cozie Nooks. Good reason he had, too, for it was known all over the town of Chizzlewutt that Doglett Loose was a mean man. Why, he was so mean that he'd drop a coin in a blind man’s cup with a string tied to it so that after he received a blessing he could jerk it back again. So, of course, Cozie Nooks knew that something wonderful 1 occurred for Doglett to treat to a dinner. ? “Why, the in the workl! My rival is dead!" and he laughed demoniac “Rival? Why you're married!” shouted Cozie Nooks. Certainly I am. But I had a ri until today. He’s dead now. Died! you comprehend my joyful demeanor.” “Good heavens! And you that? What a simpleton you are “Well, she loved him before we were married and she brought him to live with us. Of course, I objected, but all to no avail. After that, he and I became the best of friends. And he died this morning!” “For the love of Pete! Well, you were a fool! What was his name?” “Fido.” And the two friends skipped snickering.— Detroit Free Press Got Both Jobs—Head of business— What position do you desire in our establish- ment, sir? College graduate—Oh, something like con- fidential advi: C1 anager. Head of busine ! You may have both jobs. I will make you an office boy.— Dallas News. Correct—" What is the plural of man, Johnny?” asked a teacher of a small pupil. “Men,” answered Johnny. Correct,’’-said the teacher. “And what is the plural of child?” “Twins,” was the unexpected reply.— New York Globe. i MEET ME AT THE For Value, Service, TULLER | Home Comforts DETROIT, MICHIG Center of pustoery on Grand Circus Park. Take Wood- ‘ward Car. get of at Adams Ave. ABSOLUTELY TOTAL, 600 OUTS ALL ABSOLUTELY QUIET Two Floors—Agents’ New Unique Cafes and Sample Rooms Cabaret Excellente Great Bicycle Otter Write for catalog, Wonderful 118 Arrow —new motorcycle tyre shioped me money down. Pay ama'l amount each month w you ride.” Write for our special, rock-bottom offer while ome Write Today Se area Wire for tree catang oor, He Co., Dept, 244 Temowea peare—all ri vr ina tinier eboes than ever. Jomt eer Your eat and sddress and treatment, will be Prompuly In plain sealed envelope. FOOT REMEDY CO. 3512 West 26th Street, Chicago, & BE AN ARTIST MASE Money Drawing Comic Pictu world’s famous cartoonist, Eugene spill a few ideas into your head.” Get the Zim Book— it’s chuck full of valuable suggestions Price $120 postpaid — Bound in*s- Morocco. Satisfaction gua anteed. Money back if book returned in ten days. address Zim Book pest «1 BRUNSWICK BUILDING NEW YORK WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SoMt simple thing to patent Protect your ideas, they 1 you wealth. Write for “Needed Inventions” and Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Randolph & Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D.C. comicbooks.com