Judge — March 18, 1916 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Amusing Stories Retold The Fable of the Ostrich—The Ostrich, with plumes of Great Value, roamed Peacefully about his accustomed haunts, when he heard the sound of Guns in the Distance. He realized that this means Danger and that some Avaricious Hunter might take a notion to Shoot him. But he Philosophized with the following The best doctor on earth is wT act kxiow who this Possible Enemy is, therefore I am Safe. Moderation. sical nes "t aey aun sure, bia TOE tone these Detentions ae ek In every walk of life you will find thous wis caks’a Dedhee of Vgition hs of Same teen Tae the healthiest, brainiest men are “oo is so Exhausted from Shooting that he will be Unable to i} Moderate men —just the kind of men Ser ne one should Attack me, I could Instantly Change myself into I will not take refuge behind a Fence or Building, because the chances are That’s why we make the mildest, Somebody got a Graft out of building them. : There are Two or Three places on the boundaries of my domain where mellowest, purest Whiskey on the it is impossible to break through. ‘Therefore, I am Safe. Hi | — —_— Although I have my Faults, I Feel that I should Pose as a Model of market—for the Moderate man Virtue, an Example to the Whole World. Therefore, I will not resort to Wilson— Real Wilson—That’s All! Resistance. I believe in taking things as they Ought to be instead of a they Are. i . I do not believe in being Prepared. I will Stick my Head i S The Whiskey for which we invented the Non-Refillable Bottle and Forget that there is such a thing a8 Trouble sn dead in the Sand Moral—Ostrich Plumes for Sale.—Topeka Capital. \ FREE CLUB RECIPES—Free booklet of famous club recipes for mixed drinks, Address Wilson, 315 Fifth Ave. N.Y. That's All! A Bit Late—A hand in a mill near the British city of Preston went to live with a workmate of his, a somewhat older man. On going to bed the first night the young man noticed the absence of blinds on the windows “Hast no blinds for th’ windows, Bill?” i] “No, 1 never trouble about blinds,” replied Bill; “but if th’art so 1 particular about it I’ll blacklead th’ windows for thee.” / “All reet.”” So they blackleaded the windows. During the night the young man awoke, and, finding the room in dark- IEE ET SS ness, he went to sleep again. | |, This continued in turns until the elderly man said: James Montgomery “Tsay, Jack, get up an’ mak’ a leet; I’m sure we're going to be late for Flagg has made an- UV work.” 5 th Lever inti To their amazement they found it was 7:30 a. m. other clever painting “Now we've done it; we're late. We had better get to th’ mill.” for Judge — you've The first person they met was the manager. seen it on the cover “Hallo! where have you ‘two been?” d it h beer The elder man said: “Well, I have worked here for th’ last twenty yeer, | [Ss as a an’ surely you’re not going to make a row for being an hour an’ a half late | made up, 9x 12, mounted on a hea’ this morning?” . . “I’m saying nowt about this morning,” said the manager, “but where were you yesterday an’ th’ day afore?” —Argonaut. double mat, in ful ' ich colors, ready for i Wise Constituent—A congressman received almost daily letters from the fi 1) | a constituent asking for garden seed, with emphasis on peas. ‘The demand ie frame. v _ The « 1) | for peas got so heavy that the congressman was moved to write this letter: | $0.25 and the cou- a “Tam sending you a half dozen more packages of peas as requested, J } n in the comer what are you trying 7 oral a nt the whole state in peas? I ° * | e reply came a few days later. read: | Erings it post free. | No, I’m not planting them, but they make bully soup. Send along : ) | some more.”—Kansas City Star. | N Clip the 7 His Honor Was in Error—Mose Ham was arrested for “loud and f | N coupon ©) | uproarious language” and “disturbing the peace.” Judge Briles read the ‘ today | document in the case, and then turned to the black-as-ebony prisoner. 5810, A HEART 1” | “Mose Ham,” said he, “you are charged with shouting, groaning, crying re | 433 aloud in the night, lamentations, impure language, cursing, swearing, break- s ART PRINDS, [) | ing the peace, and general noisy conduct not befitting a citizen, What have ft “HAVE A HEART” 1) | you to ; Se nakac™ “Des dis, jedge, dey ain’t no spec er dat de truf; all I had wuz er sigh A | is, jedge, dey ain’t no spec er dat de truf; al had wuz ¢ Reeve % P ainted for Judge by f visitation ov religion. "Ef I talked loud, jedge, hit wuz becauz I'm furbt JS i Enclosed Seat $0.25, James Montgomery Flagg away from th’ Lawd dan mos’ folks.” —Case and Comment. 3j | Peve, send “Marea e } jean.” a adres ; | ‘ JUDGE Fifty-fifty—“Lend me a fiver, old man; I’m clean broke.” a | ve “ The Happy Medium “Why don’t you pawn that ring you are wearing?” 5 , ., “Couldn’t do that; it’s a souvenir of a deceased brother. x i i ” for seteeeeeeaeeneeeees 225 Fifth Ave. New York City “Well, my money is a souvenir of a deceased father.”— Bases 9 Or AN Transcript. af a comicbooks.com