Judge — March 18, 1916 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bringing Up Young America T CHER at the Finals: “Harry you find the cube root of 345267? “Easily.” “Do you know the date of every battle. and the commander of every important di in the Amer Revolu- tion?” “T do.” “Can you recite the ) i tsof Burke's 2 Can you give the main \) divisions of geologic time?” “Are you acquainted with the more recent pale- ontological discoveries?” “Fully.” “Will you tell us in yourown words just what you think your high school course has done for you?” “Tt has grounded me in the fundamentals of Latin; my work in Botany has been exten- ive; I have a rather complete knowledge : y reading knowledge of Old I can read and pronounce Chaucer easily; and my knowledge of the self-evident propositions of geometry has. been commended more than once.” “And deservedly, too. We congratulate you. [suppose you will be busy on the farm from now on?" sion The Result of the First Day 66] HAD no idce there was such a lot a-going o1 chirped fat little Mrs. Bung of Bung’s Corners, as she opened a pufly rapid-fire on Mrs. Tipps, also of the same neighborhood. “What's it all "bout, Malissy?”” gurgled Mrs. Tipps, her eyes commencing to bulge with excitement. “It’s a gittin’ late, an’ Ud a-orter be home this minute fixin’ supper for my old man, but lan’ sakes, if there’s any news—” with, there’s ride t’night, down to Blueport, that Saray Huggins and Jeff Shuckles is a gittin’ up, an’ a big pile of a-goin’. Marthy Spiles has been took with another sick spell, and Sol. Coker is a-goin’ to haul cord- wood to-morrow from Tivton— he's got two loads sold to Buz Lanny. Mis’ Lawser is a-g tohaveacard party nixt Tuesday night, and ’pears like most everybody in town was axed bur he Sposhkin boys. killed two skunks on Sprague’s Lane last night, and has got traps set for a fox they sce, but couldn't git a shot at. Park Ginnis is a-goin’ to build an addition to his henhouse, and Sophie Meyow has had her pet canary ett up by the tomcat. this mornin’ that riz jist grand and Dolph s is sorter courtin’ Liz Toppers, and she with her las’ husband hardly mor’n cold in the ground—ain’t it awful! “Simp Sketers found ten cents in the gutter near the pust-office, an’ Buzz Nutt claims it’s hissen, and that he lost it there nigh onto three year ago. Nink Garboo skinned his hand in th’ door—tryin’ to dodge his wife most likely! Malissey Loomis made two gingham aprons a few days back, Lud Bobbins catched four rats in one trap las’ night and Skid Liddy he—' “For the lan’ sakes, Mis’ Bung, wher'd you git all this news?” “Why, Bessie Tubbs, what’s got the Central job at our new tellyphone exchange, jist told me. They started up th’ exchange this mornin’, you know!"” —William Sanford. Seasonal Signs HEN Mother gets the camphor out We know that spring is here; The garden-sass begins to sprout, When Mother gets the camphor out Now chilling winds are put to rout— Good-bye to winter gear! When Mother gets the campbor out We know that spring is here! —C.R.S. But He Didn't Know It She—Before we we you were well off. [t—Well, T was. ¢ married you told me Ye A GAME OF CHANCE Obiter Dicta The Optimist gloats over the place where he first saw the light of day. The Pessimist gloats over the men who have never seen daylight since. With standardized salaries, efficiency experts and bureau researches to raise hob with the public crib, it’sa wise ox that knows his own fodder. Government bureaus are of two kinds— those you can’t get along with, and those you can get along without. Each is the more numerous. -Albert E. Hoyt. SOME COMFORT First mate—No use, captain. We're froze in for the winter Captain—Well, we don't need to worry about submarines, anyway comicbooks.com