Judge — February 5, 1916 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The University Professor as a Governmental Possibility MONG numerous suggestions as to A how the country should be run— suggestions that are always on tap, apparently—is one that university professors should hold the reins of govern- ment. The advocate of this luminous scheme claims that such a body of savants would be peculiarly fitted to adjust the delicate machinery of government. This they could do by giving half their time to university work and half to affairs of state, and everybody would be happy. But this wouldn’t work. Professors are primarily research-workers; and a mere trifle like correspondence with some bellicose power, or the adjustment of interstate commerce rules would never take them wholly from the con- templation of the nebula in Hercules, or the domestic life of the paramecium, or the properties of osculating circles or what happens when a dicosohedron severs diplomatic relations with a paral- lelopiped of the same sphere of influ- ence. And the professors couldn’t run the government because half their time isn’t enough. Judging from present indica- tions, the guidance of the Ship of State is too much of a job for persons who give all their time to it. If the constant ac: tivity of statesmanlike minds can’t stop pork-barrel legislation, half the time of an army-corps of university professors wouldn’t even discommode it. Where the practicalist falls down, the theorist never could even stand up, Sometimes a woman gets throvgh loving a man a long time before she CES The Art of Self-Effacement HE art of self-effacement may be con- sidered to have made a considerable advance when someone brings out an auto- biography without an “I” in it. Half-Way Measures REPAREDNESS advocates do not go far enough when they urge us to “make America’s shores safe.” Summer girls are just as dangerous at the inland resorts. gets through with him “No, sir, you can’t enter this house ; not while I'm around!” ae 30 Y¥ R BAY ave) cP eR TAA mA RY Haw a O R I A L S The Hotel Bed Is THERE any reason, based upon a careful study of everything, why there should not be government control of hotel beds? Hotel beds are fairly good in large cities. It cannot be said of them that they sag too alarmingly in the middle. But they decrease in comfort as the population gets thin, until—but we shall not dwell on the lowest types, for humane reasons. There should be a uniform standard of hotel beds, and a maximum rate of suf- fering fixed by law. The qualities of a hotel bed should be carefully tested by a non-partisan board of experts ap: pointed by the president. Any hotel keeper within the limits of the United States whose beds are below the stan: d, should punishment immedi- ately be appointed warden of Sing Sing Also, the weight, texture and specific gravity of all blankets accompanying hotel beds should be determined by the government hotel department Sleeping in a hotel bed, under a blanket as hard and unyielding as sheet iron, that is to be thoughtfully and labori ously moulded to one’s person before sleep comes, is not the highest form of nocturnal pleasure. Bricf Decisions OME people have so many things to look after that they can’t look forward to anything. 2 It is seldom that an offi who is out of a job. 2 Wise indeed is the dog that knows is his day. esecks a man 2 No woman can paint herself as others see her. comicbooks.com