Judge, 1916-01-29 · page 9 of 28
Judge — January 29, 1916 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* magazine contains several brief satirical sketches about romantic and social behavior, plus a poem mocking pretentious artistic aspirations. **"No Longer an Amatory Amateur"** jokes that a young man who held hands with a girl during a house visit has crossed from amateur to professional flirtation—implying he's now obligated, having accepted "board and lodging." **"A Fellow Feeling"** compares a father-in-law's worthless son-in-law to an unwanted skunk caught in a rat trap—a darkly humorous analogy about unpleasant surprises. **"An Appeal to the Muses"** satirizes romantic poetry's impracticality. The poem mocks poets who wish to be ethereal things (zephyrs, gloves, sighs) to win women, arguing plainly that women actually want practical, straightforward men who seize what they want—not poetic fantasies. This ridicules Victorian sentimental verse. **"Great Interpretative Dancers"** mocks modern interpretative dance as requiring only beauty, figure, and dramatic gestures (pointing at stars) without actual skill. The top illustration depicts dogs confronting a cat—likely supporting one of these themes about conflict or awkward encounters.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
—* — SOMEBOD ¥Y'S No Longer an Amatory Amateur 66AJO; I won't flirt with you,” Miss Cadesby told young Greegus se- “You're no amateur; you're qualified.” Fe How so?” queried the puzzled youth. “Why, when you spent a week at the Yapps’ country place and held hands with the eldest daughter, you accepted board and lodging.” A Fellow Feeling “My son-in-law—” began Cyrus kK. Savage, ‘““—that worthless hound my daugh- ter eloped with “a “Eh-yah!” sympathetically interrupted J. Fuller Gloom. “At one time I set a steel trap in the cellar to catch a rat, and when I took a look next morning I found I had acquired a skunk. I know exactly how you feel.” Stand Pat “Did you make any resolutions New ‘ear’s?” “No; all my bad habits are so delightful that I don’t even like to fool myself with the idea that I am going to break them off.” An Appeal to the Muses WOULD not be a voiceless sigh To kiss her cheek as she goes by, I would not be the zephyr fair That dances gaily in her hair. I would not be the glove to rest Upon the hand that I love best. I would not be the bit of ground She treads on when she walks around, I would not be the jitney-bus ‘That holds her form all-glorious. Nor e’en a bit of lace to win A resting place beneath her chin. Not I, O Muse! I'd rather be Myself—unalterably ME— And wade right in all by myself And seize my share of that sweet pelf The Poets—all well-meaning guys— Would win as zephyrs, gloves, and sighs. Maids wed not sighs, nor bits of la Nor yield to sunbeams full of gra But ever since old Adam wooed Fair Eve in Eden's solitude Have chosen good plain creatures who, Know what they want—and take it, too! Hence, Muses fair, I pray that ye Will let me rest forever M And let the Poets, near and far, Be laces, gloves, etcetera, Unto their hearts’ content, while I Garner the grain for which they sigh. ~—John Kendrick Bangs. DARLING Great Interpretative Dancers 66 AS NEARLY as I can figure it out from pictures I have seen in the newspapers,” says Joshua Lott, “a great interpretative dancer is a girl who has a pretty face, a good figure, and can point at the evening star without using her hands.” It is the man who does his best that isn’t out anything if he fails, comicbooks.com