Judge — January 29, 1916 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

_" ne ~ Now I'll know what the next one I lose weighs.” Egg View Notes RNY NEFF, our barber, who is always hustling like everything after more business, figures that if the growth of Tru- man Bilge’s whiskers gets any heavier, ‘Truman will have to put on some shoulder- braces. While sitting behind the stove in Bill Waite’s grocery Wednesday afternoon, Lem Bushnell, our marshal, dreamt he went to a beautiful big-city burlesque show, but got to see only half of it, as Lem always sleeps with one eye open. Witt Larcom, who has been keeping company with Miss Caledonia Shirks ever since last week, would have started the romance before Christmas, only he was afraid that Caledonia would think that he had done it so he could get her a present. ch one of us gets puzzled once in a while. Nehemiah Knobrick’s long, slim watch-dog, generally considered to be one of the best all-night barkers in this neighbor- hood, keeps Nehemiah from sleeping even a wink, therefore Nehemiah don’t know right now whether to kecp him, or present him to some total stranger. Nehemiah shrewdly announces that he don’t need any watch-dog while he’s a’ and it’s impossible for him to sleep while the animal in question spends his nights on the premises. Wes Weese is so bad off with rheumatics that he was unable to leave the house even Tuesday night while Ag, his wif tained the members of the Women's Social Club. —Leslie Van “Yes or No” é6¢AJTOW, madam,” said the prosecuting attorney, as he shook one lean, long finger within an inch of the nose of the frightened looking little woman, who was on the witness stand for the first time in her life. ‘Be so good, madam, as to bear in mind that you are under oath and that you are expected to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You understand that, madam?” “Yes, sir.” “Then, madam, will you please tell the jury whether or not on the day the accident as the result of which the plaintiff is suing for damages occurred you were in a position in which you saw the defendant and the plaintiff, one or both, in person, with noth- ing to obstruct your range of vision with unimpaired e ht, and if they were going in opposite direction or vice versa, and if * "Bout how much does it count towards goin’ to heaven, mother, if a fellow feels like sneakin’ out an’ goin’ fishin’ but doesn’t do it?” the street car in the case was going north or south and parallel to the vehicle in which the plaintiff sat or otherwise, and if you heard any outcry and by whom, male or female, and you are sure that you retained your mental equilibrium to the extent of not becoming excited, and if the horse driven by the defendant was going north or south or otherwise and, to the best of your recollection, proper care was taken by the drivers of both vehicles and were they in juxtaposition to each other or not. Now, madam, yes or no, and remember that you are under oath and that your reply will become a part of the court records. Now, madam, calmly and without bias, yes or no!” —Max Merryman. Different Rounds The ladder of success is not made up of one round of pleasure after another. tb i comicbooks.com