Judge — December 4, 1915 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

{In this shop and that she had traveled for miles: She shuffled for weeks with a pencil and pad In a quest of what none of them already had: Baffled and giddy she'd come home at night Shop-worn and limp she had no appetite: Circles like hammocks hung under each eye As she cudgeled her brains to think what to buy! Thinking up presents grows harder each year: A gift is an insult unless it’s quite dear! So she used her bank roll—it would stifle a horse! — To bring up some orphans—long distance, of course. The photos arrived in a week or eight days Of the orphans that she had consented to raise. She fased something else when she saw how they “Good Lord!” booked!” Jill said, “ Now Mother,—what DID you expect? Mary Pickford in satin and flower bedecked?” “I d'no,” said her mother, “I'm not hard to please, But somehow I hadn't expected quite these! Next Christmas, anyhow, you shall have pearls — What money I spend I shall spend on you girls!” Said ji “Tt is more of a flivver each year, But I've saved quite a bit on the Jenkins, my dear. Remember last year they failed to come through, So I won't even send ‘em a blotter—would you?” Bertram had asked for a car of his own; “I'm five foot eleven,” he said, “and that's grown! If Bill gets Ais present I have a fat chance— He wants his allowance three years in advance!” Polly had asked for a diamond bar pin. And a book of Vance Thompson's called “Eat and Grow Thin, DA Y she exclaimed. “Just see what I've A AN system,” said the Idiot, ask the bride and groom for certii accredited physicians before proceeding with the ceremony. ms to be a pretty wise plan, and then again there in some lights it are cases where it would work great hardsh a girl marries a man to reform him—as a rule the victim would find y that he was in fit condi- ny ca ‘s more for the sake of But whatever may be it a pretty hard task to get a Doctor to tion, and besides that there are a good ma where a man who is in fragile health ma getting a good nurse than anything else. the really a serious matter in these ¢ people to get married on nothing a yea' to be done to regulate it. The mari advantage of everybody. For example, you, John, present satisfactor: Je this Defendant with a leakless roof ‘neath which in sheltered seclusion she may rest on rainy day: you are “John:—I can. W raid Tam on the fence in respect to this Eugenic marriage “under which operating clergymen tes of health from some duly ue-or the disadvantage of Eugenic marria, believer in the institution of an Economic course of sprouts for the parties of the first and second parts in the connubial contract. s for so many of our young and something ought uge ceremony could be revised to a considerable extent along economic lines to the I'd like to see something And Bertram, sweet child, had arisen to say, “Better ask Santy for two loads of hay!” While Father this Christmas Eve lay in his bed He heard through the crack of his door what they said, He also heard William fall down on the floor In his efforts to get past the governor's door; And he sighed as he rolled on the flat of his back. “The trouble all ‘round is the lack of a lack!” He fell off to sleep and he dreamed him a dream: It was Christmas Eve many years back—it did seem; Their flat was a cheap one with only one bath, But somehow the roses dropped onto their path. The children were little. They wrote modest notes Asking old Santa for dollies and boats, They counted ae suns to the great holiday— “Only sixty-eight more!” he could hear Polly say. On Christmas Eve (only!) they'd hustle to bed— If Santa had seen them he'd surely have fled! Then Mother and he would get into their coats, Unpin from the stockings the three little notes; They'd creep to the doorway and neither would speak, And almost explode if a loose board should squeak! Then pause to make sure the kids were asleep. Then off for the toys that just had to be cheap! They joined in the holiday hordes in the snow, Delighted at all that the windows could show; They out wooden clowns—you pressed their legs ti That tossed smiling babies from left hand to right! And squinty-eyed dolls with a ring of black hair That came from Japan, and a real growling bear! And little white mice that had pink cotton tails, And tiny, hard candies in real wooden pails — And popcorn and walnuts, and raisins and figs, I T H By JOUWN KENDRICK BANGS “Clergyman: in Peace, Happir Viewed “Clergyman: For instance whet 's in this world come between you? es I am a strong It’s the face ofa woma: ma surancesthat — ses of the knot. “Cle T H E I man —Forasmuch declared and proven to our sati And _“agates,” some “crokos” and just common Then happily homeward with snow on their coats, And promptly repinning the Santa Claus notes; Ten shiny dimes went in each of the toés Of each of the stockings. “Twas fun, Goodness knows! — Some tangerines, apples and Malaga grapes— The stockings were heavy when hung by their napes! Great shiny gilt cornucopias, too, And pink and white peppermint canes were on view. There were bundles and packages grouped on three chairs, But nothing with stocking loads really compares! Then to his shoulder came Mother's brown head As they took a last look ere they went in to bed. They weren't stylish then, and their mattress.was wide, It seemed sorter sweet to have her by his side}, Hardly had they dropped to sleep with content 44 With a feeling they knew what peace on earth t Than down at the footboard were standing three ites Grinning like monkeys ot proniived delete “Hullo! Merry Christmas!—we said it frst!” 5 “Christmas, the cat's foot!—if you aren't theworst)" “Now you'scalawags skip back to bed, or is “Taint any use—he's been here!” they ued Then they all tumbled back to their bf shout, He woke to the present and smiled at the day! “Well! No one can take those dear mem’ries away!” He pretended to growl but he loved it all'well. “*"Cos we crept to the door of the parlo And got dressed and waited till time to come autty And you, Araminta, can you live with this Plaintiff , and General Amity on a Minimum Wage of $12,000 a year without scrambling the nest-egg? “Araminta:—With Papa’s help I can, -Do you solemnly vow that in panicky times be- Semi-Annual Tariff Bills, you will so adjust your outgo to his income that come what may, in sunshine or in storm, in sickness and in health, that no Cashiers with notices of overdrafts may raminta:—(Tremulously) I do. “Clergyman:—And do you promise in the presence of these wit- nesses that in motor-days or Trolley, in Opera-House or Nickelodeon, you will cling faithfully unto your allowance, and seek no other in ling market? —(Tearfully) I do. man:—Who holdeth the assets of this man and of this “Here the Cashier of some National Bank and the President of some Safe Deposit Company will s that after a personal inspect ions of the contracting parties they recommend the final tying Then the Clergymafi shall resume: ep forward and satisfy the clergy- n and appraisal of the joint pos- John and Araminta have solemnly facton their capacity for steering “Clergyman:—Have you on deposit in any Savings Bank ’twixt Hull and Halifax a poachable nest-egg of such proportions that it will ward this Defendant from the April showers of Life, and the northeasterly storms of hard-times? “John:—1 have. yman:—Do you promise to love, honor, and provide the party of the second part with three square meals a day, two evening gowns, one slashed skirt for street wear, seasonable hats, and all other sartorial appurtenances to the happy feminine life too numerous and intricate to mention, for better or for worse, until death do you part? “John: I do. their craft successfully through the troubled waters betwe Scylla of Bankruptcy and the Charybdis of the High Cost of Living, I do now pronounce them man and wife. Whom the Church hath joined together let no Receiver put asunder.” “Disgusting!” said the Biblioma: “Commercializing mar- riage! nay, Mr. Bib,” said the Idiot. “Not commercializing— capitalizing. If we look after the Economics of Mariage I think the Eugenics will take care of themselves. It’s my impression that the Wolf howling at the door is likely to keep the babies awake, at a time when they need all the sleep they can get if they are to grow up into healthy human beings.” comicbooks.com