Judge, 1915-10-09 · page 12 of 28
Judge — October 9, 1915 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple unrelated comic vignettes typical of Judge's format. The top illustration shows a beach scene with the caption about a marriage proposal and "Palm Beach suit"—likely referencing the fashionable Florida destination. The text sections are brief satirical sketches mocking character types: an old codger who dispenses unsolicited advice; a pessimist indifferent to good weather; a host hiding umbrellas from guests (suggesting social class anxieties about theft); a vain Sunday school girl; a man disappointed by turkey size; and a salesman so talented he could have sold water heaters to polygamist Brigham Young and Mormon leader Solomon. The final dialogue appears to mock Irish dialect, with someone expressing surprise that another is alive because "everyone wuz spakin' well av yez"—implying the person had a terrible reputation. These are gentle, character-based humor pieces typical of early 20th-century American magazine satire, relying on social observation and period attitudes rather than topical politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Stella—Did he propose ? His Consideration ‘ HILE I have for a long time,” pessi- mistiruminatingly remarked the Old Codger, “felt eminently able to tell everybody who is doing, or trying to do, some- , thing, exactly how it ‘S ought to be done ing managing wars, raising chickens and children, explaining mira- cles, training hunting dogs, planting crops, ect mobiles and tombstones, pract and diplomacy, drawing treaties and stalled motor cars, choosing cantaloupes and voca- tions, and adventuring into several other lines of endeavor not necessary to enumer- ate at this time—I have likewise under- stood that the people to be benefited don’t care to have me write pieces to the papers setting forth my superior knowledge. painful as self-repression always is, I have refrained from doing so.”” His Indifference “This is fine growing weather!” tri- umphantly stated honest Farmer Jolly. “What is that to me?” snarled J. Fuller Gloom, the vile and venomous pessimist. “T’ve got my growth.” includ- Bella—Well, 1 suppose you might call it Taking No Chances “Lemme get those umbrellas hidden be- fore you let them in!” Binks hastily inter- posed as Mrs. Binks moved toward the door in response to the bell. “Do you think our guests will steal umbrellas?” Mrs. Binks de- manded contemptuously. “Maybe not—but they might recognize ’em!" Binks replied. Her Preference Sunday School teacher — You must grow up to be good. Don’t you want to be looked up to? Little Emma Wayup—No; I'd rather be looked around at. His Worst Fears Confirmed Carraway was craning his neck of the turkey. id the Landlady. “T feared as much,” said-Car- Taway with a sigh. Sale Ho! “He is a good salesman, isn’t he, Henry?” asked Mrs. Peck. “Good salesman?” replied Henry Peck. “Is he a good salesman? That man, Belind. could sell water heaters to Bri, “Ant yez were a Palm Beach suit. ham Young; yes, and he could have sold em to Solomon, and the Lord only knows how many wives Solomon had to keep him in hot water!” is it you, Mike O'Flaherty? Sure an’ I thought dead. Why that ?”” . Becaze everyone wuz spakin’ well av yez.””