Judge — October 9, 1915 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“| want a careful chauffeur—one who takes no chances.” “That's me, sir! I require references or salary in advance.” Betty, in one of the folding chairs, reading poetry and letting Jimmy hold the hand that wasn’t needed to hold the book. They agreed that there never was, and never could be, another such a pearl of price of a denette. Even that absurd mishap to Sally Rogers wasn't the denette’s fault; it wasn’t anybody’s fault, when you stopped to think it over, and were reasonable, and all that. Sally, you see, had been Betty’s maid-of-honor, and was the first guest in the new home. And it was horribly dusty on the train, and of course Sally wished to freshen up; so she was splashing merrily when Jimmy came home. And Jimmy didn’t know Sally had arrived, and not seeing Betty about, wandered into the denette, and dropped on the davenport. And it was simply fiendish luck that he happened to kick one of those levers. Besides, he did everything he could, when he heard the squeak of the rollers and then muffled shrieks beneath him. His mind worked quickly. He tried to throw the lever back, but the mechan- ism jammed, as mechanism always does when it shouldn’t. And the shrieks were getting fainter but wilder. So he tore off the cover of the davenport, and was prying up the box-mattress, when Betty came darting into the denette. At sight of her Jimmy’s eyes opened wide. “Who—then who's in there?” he gasped. “Holy Moses!” Betty also had wits. She kept most admirable composure; for she took Jimmy by the shoulder. “It—it’s not Moses!” she said crisply. please, and I'll attend to this rescue.” So Jimmy, who was no fool, went away, and walked around the block. And Sally was a good sport, and said the whole thing was just the cutest thing she’d ever heard of; only, if they were going to maintain a marine railway, why didn’t they put electric lights in the tunnel or set up a “Low bridge” sign? So it didn’t matter about Sally, but it was a different case with Aunt Kelso. There was a lot to Aunt Kelso—family authority, money that’d have to come to somebody some day, and 250 pounds, avoirdupois. She made a state visit to the flat; and Betty, who had caught sight of the Kelso limousine, had barely time to call through the bathroom door to Jimmy— he was just home from the office—that he’d have to postpone his dip. So Jimmy hustled into his clothes, and shot the tub into its hiding place. There was a streak of native thrift in Jimmy. Rather than waste a lot of perfectly good water, he left the tub nearly filled, against the re- freshing hour when Aunt Kelso should have gone her way. Betty, showing Aunt Kelso over the flat, had reached the denette, when Jimmy joined them. “Isn’t it the dearest, sweetest little room?” queried “Go away, Betty. “We think it’s perfectly lovely!” Aunt Kelso sniffed. She approved of Betty, but reserved judgment in the matter of Jimmy, while the appeal of the flat, plainly, was indifferent. : “Oh, do go in!” urged Betty. “Let me show you how comfort. able it is, and how complete!” Purely out of compliment to her niece, Aunt Kelso cautious went ahead on low gear. But her eye lighted as she beheld the davenport. It looked like the one seat in that doll’s house calculated to accommodate what an elder generation would have described asa fine woman. Down she plumped. She folded her hands on her ample bosom. ‘ “This,” she said with a sigh of satisfaction; “this is something ike!” Betty bubbled with delight. She pulled out one jump-seat, then the other; she lowered the table from the ceiling. The net effect was to hedge in Aunt Kelso, as it were. “Tsn’t it perfectly wonderful?” Betty demanded proudly. Aunt Kelso opened her mouth for half-grudging agreement, but changed her intention. Suddenly she tried to struggle to her feet, but without success. Indeed, she seemed to be sinking slowly but surely into the luxurious depths of the davenport. Her knees hada quaint effect of drawing near her chin. She fell to clawing heavily at the edge of the seat. “Merciful powers!” she wheezed. “What is it, Aunt Kelso?” cried Betty solicitously. “You— you’re not going to faint?” “Faint!” Aunt Kelso may have answered Betty, but her glare— and it was a suspicious glare—was directed at Jimmy. ‘Faint nothing! I—I feel kind of a—a chill. You ask him! I'll bet he knows something about it. No; never mind the window! ’Tain'ta draft. It’s more like—oh, my soul and body!” There was a crack of rending wood—it’s a sad error, always, for constructing engineers not to allow a safe margin for over-load. Aunt Kelso sank lower. Her hands went out desperately. They clutched the supports of the table. With a titanic heave she dragged herself to her feet.